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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418274">Just the Right Kind of Trouble</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Night_Owl/pseuds/The_Night_Owl'>The_Night_Owl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Beetlejuice - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Minor Character Death, Multi, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 09:08:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23418274</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Night_Owl/pseuds/The_Night_Owl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Time has passed since the last Betelgeuse was more or less free to cause chaos amongst the land of the living. Too much as far as he was concerned--if he could up and walk outta here and escape the miserable prison he was tethered right now and never look back for a millennium, it'd still be too fucking soon.<br/>Meanwhile, as the ghoul lamented his dull and lonely existence spent in isolation, spare for the odd visitor he could scarcely do more than hover over. Maybe spook off by kicking over the occasional urn or two, another, considerably less dead troublemaker, a young woman who went by the name, Maria, was causing her own brand of chaos not all that far away. Hot off her latest hiest, and seeking a quiet place to lay low for a while. </p>
<p>   Who would've guessed these two mischievous souls would've crossed paths? And who would've possibly imagined the odds of that particular little lady would've also had the gift of the Sight?<br/>Only who's luck exactly will this turn of events fall to? Maria, or evil incarnate, The Ghost with the Most himself--Betelgeuse? </p>
<p>One thing is for sure. The ghoul is scheming. But only time will tell whether his plot will spell disaster, or the brightest of fortunes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice/Originial Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. First encounters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   The nights chill was biting, the sky moonless and thick with clouds. But even in spite of the late hour and inhospitable weather, the streets were still bustling with activity. Or rather, one street was. </p>
<p>   Whilst the majority of the city remained empty in the dead of night. Either happily sleeping away the late night hours or busily suffering through the graveyard shift. One street in particular was unusually active. Which was just about what was to be expected, because that's precisely where a very particular young lady was making her getaway. </p>
<p>  "Ah piss, my fucking foots stuck" she hissed as she attempted to lift her foot, only to find it jammed between the wall and the pile she'd been climbing. Jiggling it a bit, she cursed loudly as all she accomplished was making thee whole structure a loud and worrying creak. She halted her movements, waiting to see if anymore troublesome sounds came from the flimsy rig. Thankfully, it remained blessedly quiet, and she finally tugged her foot loose, free to continue scaling the side of the building. </p>
<p>   Below her, about a block away, sirens were blaring. And she could faintly make out the glare of red and blue flashing lights coming from a short distance away. Along with the yelling and panicked bickering of the group of thugs she'd just left behind. Their loot safely tucked away in her backpack. </p>
<p>   The girl, who went by the name Maria, curled her lips into a devilish grin at the thought. The three musketeers back there has been a real scourge on her ass for the past week, trying to rope her admittedly amazing ass into the most poorly half-arse thought out excuse for a heist of the century. So she'd agreed to act as a look out, just to test the waters, see if they worked well together or not, all that jazz. And had accidentally-on-purpose phoned the police, totally by mistake, to inform them of the crime in progress she'd just so happened to 'stumble across', and, being the upstanding citizen she was, has called the authorities as was her civic duty! </p>
<p>  Of course, she'd stuck around just long enough to relieve the idiots of their loot, before helpfully offering to be the one to check around the corner, see if the coast was clear and all that. Which had been precisely when she'd made her getaway, and had disappeared before they could even have the chance to say 'suckers'. She'd scampered up the far side of the building, and had skipped across the rooftops whilst enjoying the fading sounds of panic and... Well, the sound of justice in progress!</p>
<p>   Still, as fun as that has been, the area was beginning to heat up in ways that made her eager to skid-addle and not stick around. So after a couple more blocks, she made her way safely back to ground level. The only sound aside from the faint noise of police cars and her feet crunching against asphalt. </p>
<p>  Yeah... Probably time to hide away for a little while. She hadn't made her living in this kinda business so long by being needlessly careless. And as fun as causing a little mayhem was, it was probably a good idea to find a quiet place to wait out the excitement. </p>
<p> It took another few minutes of skulking around to find the perfect place to hide away for a bit.  The graveyard looked dead as its residents. Completely and utterly empty, not a soul to be seen, and not a body either, aside from those buried deep below ground of course. And who would suspect anybody of mulling around in a graveyard in the middle of the night of being somebody suspicious? Exactly! Most people, but! She was sure most people wouldn't think to look for someone in a cemetery, it was dark and it was quiet, and should anybody come around to investigate, all she'd have to do would be to pretend to be a late night mourner or something. She wouldn't be there too long anyway, she reasoned. She'd lay low for ten minutes or so and be off backbone, out of the cold, and a couple hundred bucks richer in petty cash and knockoff jewelry. </p>
<p>She'd be alone, save for the company of those already six feet under. </p>
<p>   She peered out from the alleyway she'd landed in, checking to be sure the coast was clear, before quickly making her way to the tall, slightly warped iron gates. The fence was three heads taller than her, and the tips adorned with fierce looking points. Even in the gloom of night she could see the metal had a healthy covering of rust, which had obviously been painted over with a thick, Inky black paint. A desperate attempt to keep the place looking neat and tidy. </p>
<p>   The woman gave the assortment a curious rattle. Testing to be sure it was secure, and was happy to find that in spite of its obvious neglect, the thick iron didn't budge even an inch. Hopping over didn't take much effort, though she had to be careful not to slice herself open on the admittedly nasty looking spikes at the top. She landed on the ground with a quiet grunt. The damp earth was soft underfoot, the soil being held together by clumps of overgrown grass. The earthy carpeting made for slippery ground to land on, but thankfully she kept her balance. </p>
<p>   After a quick once-over to make sure everything was in place, she shouldered her jacket tighter around her shoulders. Slowly making her way towards the hard dirt pathway in search of easier footing. Besides, who knew who the hell she was standing on, out there on the grass, headstones scattered across the land like littler. All in varying states of disrepair. It was fairly easy to tell which graves were the more recently filled. Their gravestones being clean and well kept, whilst others were beginning to crumble, weathered and worn by the elements and years of neglect. The fresher graves dotted with the odd bouquet, half withered whilst some looked to be brand new. Perhaps even having been left there earlier in the day. </p>
<p>The entire place wreaked of damp and soil. A wet odor that wasn't pleasant nor unpleasant, just uncomfortable. Smelling quite like the equivalent of the sensation of wet socks. One thing was for sure, there was an eerie feeling about the place. It was the kind of atmosphere that demanded a certain kind of respect, like a library, only a lot less comfortable. And all the stories the place held had long since been silenced, taken with them to the place beyond life that came after death. There was an odd serenity to it. Calm but cold. And most of all, quiet. </p>
<p>The massive, skeletal tree still standing proudly on an uneven grassy hill definitely didn't help the place to look any more inviting though. The thing was practically a corpse itself. But still, there was a comfortable-ish looking knit of roots poking out from one side. Giving it the appearance that it'd maybe tipped over to one side at some point, and had just kept growing at the weird angle it had settled at. But it looked like the perfect place to take a seat, the only other options being the cold and moist ground, or one of the headstones. </p>
<p>    It was only when she got a bit closer and a gap in the clouds allowed the dim glow of moonlight to illuminate the figure of... Someone, leaning casually against it. By the looks of it, whoever it was standing there hasn't spotted her yet, and looked to be lazily propped up against the gnarled trunk. Gazing up at the sky the burning embers of a lot cigarette just about visible in the shadows. </p>
<p>   The little criminal slowed her pace to a dawdling meander. Not feeling particularly bothered by the strangers presence, but definitely finding it odd. But as she approached, she noticed that the direction he was facing showed a wide open gate. One which the figure you noted absently to be a man, was watching closely. Looking thoroughly bored out of his mind yet still watching intently, as if waiting for something. Or someone. And the thought flickered across the young woman's mind that perhaps she'd accidentally stumbled in on a drug dealer dealing. Or at least waiting to. </p>
<p>  She was closer now. Close enough that the stranger stirred at the sound of approaching footsteps. And it was then she really got the opportunity to get a good look in. </p>
<p>  He was taller than her. Slightly on the heavier side, and sporting an odd getup that almost resembled some kind of cartoonist prison outfit. A black and white pinstriped suit, tattered and dusty looking, with an even more worn looking murky brown trench coat draped over his broad shoulders. As if that wasn't odd enough, his hair even in the low light was a brilliant shade of... Green. And as he turned to investigate the noise, she saw he was sporting a clipped but yet still messy looking beard in the same shade of electric green. He looked rough, filthy and weathered in the way someone sleeping months on the street would look who'd made no effort at all into maintaining a semblance of personal hygiene. </p>
<p>In a lot of ways, he looked quite like he'd just climbed right out of the grave. Strangely fitting seeing where they were standing. His face, which had morphed into one of faint surprise at the sight of the young criminal, faded just as soon as it had changed. Settling back into a resigned sort of boredom. Dull eyes surveying her in a tired manner that was betrayed by the glint of something impish that lingered in his eyes. A tiny spark of life in someone who looked so... Dead. </p>
<p>   The strange man took a long drag from his cigarette, before dropping the remaining stump. Grinding it under his heel whilst exhaling long and slow. Turning right around to face her and sticking his hands into his pockets with a wide, Cheshire cat grin. He looked to be around his mid thirties, but the whole ragged getup didn't do him any favors, aging him considerably. The dusty look practically make him look like some sort of ancient cryptid in human form. </p>
<p>    Which was why Maria found it exceedingly odd when he seemed taken aback when she did the same, greeting him with a lazy wave of her hand. Taking his open and relaxed posture as cue to join him. </p>
<p> Sure, he looked like microwaved shit. But she wasn't one to judge, she hung out with plenty people who looked worse, so joining the shady guy under the creepy tree was something she took in stride. His stunned expression only seemed to deepen when she stepped up beside him, leaning back against the thick, half dead trunk with the all the ease in the world. Shuddering from the nipping of the nights air before chuckling. </p>
<p>"Hope you don't mind me joining you?" she hummed, shrugging off her bag and letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud. She was close enough now to smell the smokey scent of nicotine that clung to him like a vapor. Along with the musky scent of earth and something along the lines of decay. The old kind, where it was more of a husk than a putrid odor. Not horrible enough to drive her away but she certainly wouldn't be making an effort to breath through her nose whilst in his company. </p>
<p>  For a moment, he seemed to struggle to find the right words, before he apparently settled. A lopsided grin spread across his face, shallow and pale and sleazy as fuck. But he wore it well, owning the whole 'Totally not a con-artist or anything' look with a sort of theatrical flair that Maria honestly hadn't quite expected from how fricking dead to the world he'd looked just moments before. But she definitely wasn't complaining. </p>
<p>   "Won't hear me complaining babes" he grinned, voice gravelly and rough--like he'd swallowed a cheese garter or something. But his tone was low, and despite how grating his voice was, it wasn't unpleasant. Just unexpected. </p>
<p>   Maria nodded, rubbing her hands together in a pitiful attempt to stay warm. Blowing hot air across her hands that gave a fleeting sense of relief, before the biting wind sapped what little warmth she'd conjured away again.</p>
<p>The stranger observed this, but he didn't seem bothered by the cold in the slightest himself. And his layers were even thinner than hers. He wasn't even shivering. Just lounging there as if the bulky tree in the middle of a freezing graveyard in the middle of the night was the most comfortable place in the world. Maria felt a spark of envy at that, grimacing as she rubbed at the gooseflesh on her arms, even under the thick fabric of her jacket. </p>
<p>   "So what's up with hanging out in this creep-fest so late working the graveyard shift?" Maria casually prodded. </p>
<p>   A devious smirk was playing on the man's lips as he quipped back, "Could ask you the same question dollface". He seemed pleased to find that earned him an amused snort. And she turned her gaze back to him, shaking her head, laughter in her eyes. </p>
<p>   "Touché. Nice hair by the way, the green really brings out the bags under your eyes, seriously, you look like hell". </p>
<p>    Now it was his turn to snicker, though it almost looked more like a sneer. But there wasn't any heat to it, and he pushed himself off of the trunk a little, leaning forward a bit and pressing a hand to his heart in mock-offense.</p>
<p>   "Wow, charming, really. Is that a way to speak to a poor soul ya just met?" he jeered in good humour. Raising a brow and shooting the young woman an expectant look as her already wide grin grew further. Suddenly she was feeling very grateful for deciding to take a little breather. The cocky banter was something the stranger had slipped into without a second thought, and it sure as heck beat waiting out the time ticking down alone and freezing her ass off in a dark and dingy excuse for God's acre. </p>
<p>   "Aw gee, you're right" she shot back easily, forcing her smile into a wobbly expression of remorse. Trying to sound sincere but failing miserably, as she couldn't stop herself from snickering as she continued. "I'm ev--snrrk--ever so sorry". </p>
<p>Needless to say, she didn't sound convincing in the slightest. </p>
<p>   The stranger huffed. Hooded eyes ringed with grey rolling in their sockets even as he maintained a shit eating grin of his own, "I can tell you meant that". </p>
<p>  They shared a brief chuckle before settling back into a companionable silence. A few moments passed by before Maria piped up again.</p>
<p>"so, what, this place you're local 'haunt' or somethin?". </p>
<p>   If the man made a choking noise, before bunching forward, shoulders shaking with mirth with a hearty belly-laugh. It took a second or two for him to compose himself enough to straighten up again, snickering into his hand, body still shuddering. Something had obviously tickled him, but what exactly was that funny was lost to Maria. She wasn't really sure she'd said anything particularly hilarious to warrant such a reaction as that, and it was with a curious half-smile she waited for him to calm down. Which he quickly did. </p>
<p>   "Ohoho lady, you have <em>no idea</em>" there was an underlying sense of glee in his voice as he said that. But any reason for it went completely over her head. </p>
<p>     Not put off by the devious tone, she prodded further, "Is that right? Gonna let me in on the joke?". </p>
<p>  "Maybe" he said, making a show of folding his arms. A playful air about him as she frowned, curiosity nagging at the back of her mind. </p>
<p>"C'mon, don't hold out on me now" she pouted. Leaning forward to get back into his line of sight. He smirked as he gave her the side eye, keeping his face upturned even as he looked down at her. </p>
<p>"Careful what ya wish for Doll, might just end up regretting asking", there was a hint of a threat in that gravelly voice of his, which only served to intrigue the little theif. Trouble was something she was actually quite partial to, but as a rule of thumb she generally preferred to be the one causing it. But she wasn't so picky about how the chaos started so long as she was included in the fun, rather than on the wrong end of it. The stranger in black and white definitely seemed like the type of guy she could see herself becoming pals with. The tricky character seemed like just the right kind of trouble. At least so far. At least at this rate, if they bumped into each other again around town, she'd be sure to stick around for a chat. It was nice to meet new people, and who knows, he might prove a useful contact in her future... Uhh, 'business' ventures. It helped to know all kinds of people on the street.</p>
<p>Besides, if he really was a dealer, it was highly likely he has some noteworthy contacts up his sleeve. </p>
<p>"That's not ominous at all, thank you". </p>
<p>  The stranger flashed an toothy smile that seemed to say 'no problem', his eyes lingering on the woman before him before turning his head away. But those jade colored eyes never left her. "What's a nice girl like you doin' in a dirty mind like mine anyways?"</p>
<p>   "Wow, great line, do you tell that to all the strange girls you meet in the local churchyard, or am I just special?" Maria retorted flatly. She wasn't very much put off by his sleazy show. She hung out with characters of dubious nature all the time, plenty worse than this guy. Flirty banter she didn't mind, so long as he kept those hands of his to himself. They'd get along just fine. </p>
<p>"Eh I'm just sayin', 's long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit" he drawled.</p>
<p>   That line had Maria chortling. It was just so gross, but something about the way he'd said it implied he was just toying with her.</p>
<p>"Ew <em>dude</em>! Talk about forward--jesus christ". </p>
<p>"Yet I didn't hear a 'no'", the man really laying it on thick, wiggling his brows with a saucy smirk and a sleazy wink as he watched the woman practically cough up her lungs at the totally unexpected line. Smug bastard. He didn't seem to mind she wasn't taking him too seriously, just enjoying the back and forth. </p>
<p>"Oh shaddup" she huffed good naturedly. And punctuated it with a gentle shove to the man's shoulder. Which would've been completely fine under normal circumstances. </p>
<p>Only that was the precise moment his head wobbled, tilting dangerously, before with a slight 'pop', his head rolled right off from his shoulders. Landing on the ground at her feet with a wet thudding sound, and coming to a stop with his face upright. Beaming up at her with a evil sense of delight at the way her face went went white in shock. </p>
<p>That was the face he'd been aiming for, and damn if he hadn't been right on target. </p>
<p>   He let the reality of the situation really sink in for a good solid thirty seconds as he watched the human woman looming above him digest the fact she was staring at a living and still breathing head at her feet. And he waited until just after he watched her eyes flicker to the headless body still standing beside her, one hand settled on his hip whilst the other held his weight as it casually leaned against the tree.</p>
<p>"Aww, cmon sweets, don't lose your head abo--", that was about all the ghoul had time to say before he was sent sailing across the graveyard. She'd kicked his head like a morbidly shaped football. Toes of her boot connecting with his jaw before he was effectively punted across the yard. And off he flew, screaming a colourful mix of profanities the whole way. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Betelgeuse was fucking stunned. Definitely not been expecting that, he'd thought she'd scream. Maybe faint, maybe even pee herself a little, before taking off at full speed shrieking like a banshee as she went. And she would have found herself running straight into his waiting claws, quaking in absolute terror. It would've been then he'd have her say those magical three words, and he would be more or less free to do as he pleased, and she would have nightmares for the rest of her living life, win-win. At least for the ghoul anyway. She obviously wouldn't have had any semblance of a victory in the slightest, traumatized for life. Perfect end to the evening really. </p>
<p>The first half of his little prank had gone as he'd expected, she'd seemed well and thoroughly shaken. And he couldn't deny the absolute delight he'd felt as he watched the colour drain from her face even in the dim light. But then she'd Gina and quite literally turned his plan on its head when she kicked him clean across the yard. He'd barely had the opportunity to register her leg moving back for her strike. </p>
<p>   He was just getting his bearings from the dizzying landing, having somehow miraculously ended up in a still mostly upright position. When he heard the sound of grass rustling softly. And it took a moment for the ghoul to realize what he was hearing were footsteps. </p>
<p>   It took a while for her to appear in his field of vision. Creeping closer ever so carefully, hands clasped up and wringing by her collarbone. </p>
<p>  "Ho-holy shit...what<em> the fuck </em>was that?" he heard her murmur, before she fully stepped into view and he pinpointed the precise moment she noticed him in return. Already freaked out expression growing even more distressed, as she eyed the disgruntled ghoul like he was a rabid dog. He certainly snarled like one.</p>
<p>   "What the fuck..." she whimpered, remaining still for a beat, and he spied another opportunity. Staying perfectly still as she ever so cautiously knelt down. Reaching out a tentative hand to touch the side of his face whilst simultaneously leaning back as far as she could. </p>
<p>  He allowed her to press a wary hand to the cold, clammy flesh of his cheek. She gasped upon the contact and quickly witch drew it, as though in complete disbelief that she'd actually felt what she could see with her very own eyes. </p>
<p>   He fought the temptation to sneer as she reached out once more. Faltering for a second, before shaking her head clear, expression steely with resolve, and she reached out to touch him once again. </p>
<p>   "<em>The fucking hell was that for?!</em>" he roared without warning, and she shrieked, falling back on her ass. Kicking herself back a small distance away whilst refusing to take her eyes off of the insanity in front of her. Chest heaving rapidly as she tried desperately to calm herself down as he cackled evilly, relishing in the scent of fear that now hung around her like the sweetest of perfume. And he took a special and malicious pleasure in wringing it from her after how she'd sent his ass flying. </p>
<p>   "Oh shit I've gone insane" she whispered, mostly to herself. She didn't make any effort to move, looking too frazzled to to much else but remain there in a daze as she stared into his glaring eyes, narrowed and sharp. His face contorted into a contemptuous and taunting countenance. </p>
<p>   "You wish" Betelgeuse jeered. Instantly snapping her attention, commanding it. Though her eyes still looked hazy. </p>
<p>  "What?" </p>
<p>"What'd scare you more got stuff? This just being a figment of your imagination, this being <em>real</em>?" </p>
<p>The way her eyes widened a fraction answered his question without need of her even opening her mouth. </p>
<p>   "But you're not", she spoke slowly, brows furrowing. </p>
<p>"see for yourself" </p>
<p>She hesitated. Eyeing him nervously, before reluctantly reaching out. Grasping him firmly by either side of his skull, before slowly lifting him up. Standing up herself, arms bouncing a bit as she tested the weight of his head in her hands. </p>
<p>"W-whoah..." Maria stammered, mouth agape. And he gave her a self satisfied smirk. Certain in the fact this was about the point where she'd probably pass out from the dawning reality that he was, indeed, actually there. Not just her mind playing tricks on her. But true there, in the flesh, quite literally in her own hands.</p>
<p>  "HOW!? That's so freaking cool--" she shrieked, staring at the head in her hands in complete and utter awe. </p>
<p>Betelgeuse's victorious expression withered. </p>
<p>"I mean I've got many questions, but this is a neat party trick" Maria rambled, turning Betelgeuse, who obviously still was nothing but a head at that point, over in her hands. Getting a good eyeful of the gruesome sight that was the gorey mess of his neck stump. Still partially in disbelief at the sight her eyes were still taking in. But here he was, right in her hands--so she was either completely mad or this... Was actually happening. Either way, she was stuck living it, so either way she guessed it didn't really matter too much, at least until she was faced being locked up in a cell of plush white walls anyway. </p>
<p>At the very least, she was suddenly a lot more curious than she was afraid. And the terror has almost completely melted away in the face of the strange supernatural shit storm she was now right in the middle of. </p>
<p>    <em>Wait, wait wait, </em>he thought, this wasn't how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to be terrified! And here she was looking as though she has frickin stars in her eyes or some shit.</p>
<p>   Maria, being a perceptive woman, took note of the sour turn in his expression, and he in turn noticed the wicked gleam in her eyes as she juggled his head from one hand to the other. Ignoring the startled 'hey' that earned from the ghoul. Who's body could be observed to be falling madly as it struggled pitifully to reclaim its head. </p>
<p>   The fire was lit, and it this time revenge was gonna be served piping hot.</p>
<p>   "Somethin' about that look tells me my reaction wasn't what you were going for huh, pinstripes?" Marie mocked, finding a newfound joy in tormenting the demon-bastard who'd scared her half to hell. </p>
<p>   The headless corpse, having managed to stumble close enough to the woman to lunge, only trip and fall flat on his font when she dipped out of his way. It was lucky his face was in her hands otherwise he would've had one helluva pavement facial. </p>
<p>"Waitwhat!" Betelgeuse choked, a sinking settling in the stomach he wasn't attached to at present. A dawning realization of the... Problematic situation he has gotten himself into. Things were not going to plan, not at all, and had now gone south in the worst possible way. </p>
<p>"Well well well, methinks mayhaps someone didn't think this through. Didn't your mother ever tell you not to give head to strange people on the street?" </p>
<p>"what're you--" Betelgeuse hissed, thanking the man down below he didn't have blood to rush to his face, as the humiliation would've surely had his face redder than the tips of his hair. Which a burning red has begun seeping through from the tops of his scruffy green hair to the roots of his scalp. The embarrassment burned brighter than any sort of red his hair could ever hope to match, he would've been mortified if he wasn't seething with rage at the mere disgrace at a mere breather getting the better of him. </p>
<p>What was worse, he couldn't work his 'magic', do to speak, being in pieces like this--leaving him at the mercy of a strange woman he'd just more than earned the wrath of. </p>
<p>   "You're not in a very good position now huh?" Maria giggled. Waltzing out of the path of another attempt to recover his head. </p>
<p>    "I'll be honest with you ghoulie-demon-man, you seem to have a penchant for putting yourself in sticky situations. Like I have your whole head in my hands, not a smart move". </p>
<p>"Give--give it--" the ghoul tried, but was swiftly interrupted as he was tossed up and over his lunging body.</p>
<p>   The woman twirling out of the way and coming to a stop and finishing in top to neatly catch him with a small flourish. "Ohohooo-whoa there, let's not get a-<em>head</em> of ourselves, I mean looks like your poor decisions tonight are really coming to a <em>head</em>". </p>
<p>   "Goddammit!" the ghoul cried out with a shout. Maria was having the time of her life. Seriously considering climbing up that stupid tree and leaving his head spiked on one of its broken branches. He'd look like some sort of morbid Halloween decoration. A piss-funny one too, with his dumbass body frickin flailing around like an headless chicken underneath. </p>
<p>   "Heheh, I should've hid your head somewhere and just sat and watched your body stumble around trying to find it" Maria sighed, wiping away tears of mirth.</p>
<p>    "But since I'm such a nice person, Imma cut you a break" she mercifully conceded. And then held out his head towards his body, which as agitatedly tapping its foot, arms folded and evidently not nearly as tickled as she was. He snatched it up with a snarl, and plopped it back where it belonged without delay. </p>
<p>   A few moments passed as the ghoul composed himself. Forcing air he didn't need through his nose as he clenched dirty palms which had curled into fists. </p>
<p>   "I'd give you a bad look, but you've already got one" </p>
<p>Betelgeuse whirled around on her. Hair furiously shimmering from green to a deep bloody red and back. </p>
<p> And then suddenly, a hiss seeped from between his teeth. A mask of calm washing over his face, shoulders slowly going slack. And the. All at once, all traces of anger were gone, a lazy shit eating grin curling his lips. One that didn't quite reach his eyes, which were icier than the coldest glacier. </p>
<p>   Maria was rocking on the balls of her feet, very pleased with herself. </p>
<p>   "You, you've got balls lil' lady" he practically growled, the sound rumbling somewhere low in his chest. He could count the number of times he'd been so manically livid on one hand and still have fingers left over. </p>
<p>   Suddenly, it was no longer enough to just scare this mortal woman anymore. He wanted to <em>break</em> her, mind and body. Never had he ever been so utterly humiliated--never in his whole afterlife. He was a goddamn demon, the ghost withe the fucking most! Nobody in the Neitherworld dared to fuck with him. Living or dead, people trembled at the mere mention of his cursed name--at least, those who knew of his... Exploits did. </p>
<p>   This breather thought she'd gotten pretty lucky getting one over him. But she had no idea the storm coming her way. And all he needed to do was have her say the magical B-words three times in a row, and he'd be on her like wet on water. She'd effectively curse herself by uttering his own cursed name, and he'd be tethered to her just like that. Free to wreak havoc on her miserable little life until she <em>broke</em>. </p>
<p>Now he just needed to put on the charm. She was already lulled into a false sense of security. It'd be all too damn easy to have her dancing to his marionette strings. </p>
<p>"Don't you take that tone with me Mister-demon-ghost-man" Maria scolded, wagging a finger in his face, before flicking his nose with a self satisfied huff, and backing up just enough to admire her work. It didn't last long, but his brows had furrowed in just the most hilarious way before it was gone, a more neutral look falling into place in a way that looked deliberate and practiced. She would know, she watched enough people wearing masks for all number of reasons, and whilst she would admit he made it look far more natural than most she'd encountered. He was the type of person who'd put anyone on alert just by turning up. And as <em>charming</em> as his mischievous demeanor was, she was too seasoned with this kinda shit to fall for it so easily. </p>
<p>   But knowing he was up to something didn't mean she knew what exactly his scheme was. And nor did it put her off the prospect of keeping up their little back and forth. So she didn't do what most would argue to be the sensible thing to do and walk away, instead relaxing against the tree they'd both somehow migrated back to.</p>
<p>"Served you frickin right! You nearly gave me a heart attack". </p>
<p>   "I'll say" the ghoul huffed, sounding quite happy with himself. </p>
<p>"Har har, well, considering I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life, I say we're just about even". </p>
<p>     Betelgeuse raised his hands in a manner that suggested he was conceding to something. Shrugging and shaking his head before putting his silver tongue to some use, "Yeah well, for a breather, you're alright. Haven't had my ass handed to me like that in a while, gotta say. Refreshing and all that shit, nice to know I ain't the only one in the dull-ass town who doesn't mind raising some hell". </p>
<p>Well, he supposed not all of that was a lie. He could definitely see some good times ahead with this chick. Which he'd enjoy, and then the icing on the cake will be getting a healthy dose of revenge for humiliating him so badly. </p>
<p>And determinedly shoving the reasonable part of his long dead brain that was whispering she might've kinda sorta had the right to even the playing field. But his pride has been damaged and it was easier to just be mad. </p>
<p>     "Pfft, I'd hardly call wrecking your pride raising hell". That comment sinched it. Whatever small voice of reason that rarely spoke to begin with shriveled up and died. </p>
<p>Oh if only she knew. </p>
<p>    He stretched his heavy dead arm up over her head. Leaning in just enough for Maria to get a good solid whiff of his earthy damp odor. She didn't seem fazed by his invasion of her personal space, but she sent him a careful look that told him she was warning him off taking it any further.</p>
<p>Course, that didn't mean he had any intention of heeding it. </p>
<p>"Is that right? Got somethin' better in mind short-stack?". </p>
<p>       The girl scoffed as though that was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard, "Dude, I make my <em>living</em> in shit-stirring, messing with you was just an appetizer--a really really weird one though, I'll give you that". </p>
<p>"Then whaddya say you 'n' me go out n paint the town red together?" he suggested, leaning further with a knowing look that told her he was very well aware he was pushing his boundaries are far as they could go. He was just testing, see how far he could push before she snapped back. And she knew it, and she knew he knew it too, and he knew she knew. </p>
<p> Again. What a little shit. </p>
<p>"And what makes you think I'd wanna go out partying with you" she shot back boldly. Leaning in herself in an unspoken challenge that has his mouth curling coyly like he'd just been presented with a treat rather than a...Well, she wasn't sure what it was. Not quite a threat, but something close. </p>
<p>She'd made plenty of threats to know her words hadn't held that familiar bite. </p>
<p>     The expression that settled of the ghouls face was almost pitying. Condescendingly so, the same look one would give to a poor defenseless kitten huddled up on the side of the road on a rainy day.</p>
<p>   "<em>Please</em>, causing some trouble by yourself is fun and all, but I can <em>guarantee</em> nothing your mortal brain can think up could match up what <em>I</em> can get up to on a <em>quiet</em> day" he boasted, tapping his free hand to Maria's skull, annoying the way Maria's eyes squinted up at him, a displeased huff escaping her lungs at the way he talked down at her. </p>
<p>    She couldn't lie, that certainly piqued her interest. And the assured way he spoke left no room for lies, "Oh really?". </p>
<p>    He made a soft hissing sound through his teeth as he bobbed his head. "I mean you're cute and all, but babes, I'm a <em>demon</em>, I can do shit you couldn't even frickin wrap your head around, but sure, go ahead and like do it yourself or whatever. I'm sure you'll have a blast!". His tone made it all too clear he found the idea laughable, but was just saying it for her benefit, at least it would've. Had it not been so artfully worded to make sure she got the message he was laughing at her. </p>
<p>To add insult to injury, he waited a moment, pushing away from the tree to stuff cold dead hands into his pockets. Toe of his mud caked shoes toying with a particularly stubborn root sticking out from the ground. He coughed. "Chickenshit". </p>
<p>     Aware she was walking right into his baiting she scowled, "If you're that special then why would you want my 'pitiful' <em>mortal</em> ass to join you? What, getting bored of all your voodoo and shit you wanna show off to feed your ego?". </p>
<p>"Can't a guy just wanna mess around with a pretty gal without getting shade for it?". She didn't even need to say anything, her face said it all. No, at least not as far as he was concerned. There was no question he was up to something, and they both knew it. Still, he feigned hurt, making a heart with his hands and then breaking it as though cracking an invisible egg. </p>
<p>"Flattery will get you everywhere my friend, but not with me, I wasn't born yesterday whats your game?" Maria said frankly. Staring hims right in the eyes as she did so, and was rewarded almost instantly with an appalled gasp that almost sounded genuine. But it was that in and of itself that betrayed him. </p>
<p>"No game, I'm totally legit" he lied with a dismissive wave of his hand. The confidence in the way he said it would've almost certainly have convinced her had she not been wise to a con-mans methods. With the flare and theatrics he'd been playing throughout their conversation, saying anything so plainly would've given anyone pause for thought. The plainness itself added a hefty weight to any words spoken, so for a moment she almost found herself falling for it. Catching herself only when she noticed how glaringly unusual it was from the small time they'd shared together for him to have said much of anything and not put any... Zest into it. In a way, the it just made it stick out, brightly flashing warning lights and all. </p>
<p>"So what's stopping you from following me out and getting into a hot mess anyway, you sure as shit don't need my permission" </p>
<p>   When he didn't answer straight away, Maria guessed something was up. He had made it increasingly clear he was the type to have a clever quick-witted comeback for anything. A quick answer spoken by the silver tongue of a charismatic criminal. </p>
<p>So when he didn't answer, that spoke volumes more than what would've been conveyed in a three thousand word essay. </p>
<p>   Her gaze flickered up again to observe him more closely. He seemed to be struggling to come up with a good answer. </p>
<p>    Mentally, his brain was flailing to find an answer that didn't sound like a load of horse shit. How could he avoid revealing he couldn't after just boasting being capable of incredible feats she could even dream up? </p>
<p>He couldn't. In his bragging he'd inevitably sealed his own fate. Because nobody in their right mind would believe a creature of incredible power would be incapable of something as simple as following around a helpless mortal without their consent. That'd be like saying a  lion wouldn't eat a zebra because it didn't say please first. </p>
<p>   Luckily, or in this case it was more of a case of unluckily, his chance to come up with a response of his own was stolen before he even had the opportunity to open his mouth. A look of disbelief flashing across the living woman's face, before she broke into a downright wicked smirk. </p>
<p>"... You're stuck, aren't you?", she hit the nail on the head without even a smidge of hesitation. And the ghoul cringed at the straightforwardness the woman had taken. No dancing around it at all, and he inwardly thought perhaps she could've been a bit less direct. But then again, had it been himself in her situation, he knew he would've been all to eager to rub that tender subject in as hard as he could go. Salt the wound so to speak. </p>
<p>All he could think of was how miserably this encounter was turning out for him today. And he'd though his luck was in when he realized this breather could see him, and had willingly walked on up to him like a beautifully wrapped up present right on his own fucking doorstep. </p>
<p>    "Not <em>stuck</em> per say--" he began defflectively, only for the human woman's eyes to bulge in their sockets as she barked out a laugh. </p>
<p>   She was honestly delighted. "Oh my god, you <em>are</em>! What is it, you some sorta sitebound spirit or some shit? The big bad-magic man needs a little ladies help to go out to play?". </p>
<p>    Betelgeuse's eye twitched as he forced himself to maintain an even tone even as his face was visibly cracking. Raising hands up in a gesture of surrender whilst tactfully avoiding eye contact. Jeez, he was accustomed to the sensation of pulling one over, enjoyed it even, but typically he was the one to be holding something over someone else's head. Not the other way around. And boy if it wasn't a bitter flavour he was becoming way too familiar with than he ever wanted to be in his afterlife. And it had only been half an hour--give or take a few minutes. Either this woman was incredibly lucky or this was just not his fucking night. </p>
<p>    "Alright I'll level with ya, I'm dead--I can't do shit in the land of the living, <em>unless, </em>a lovely living lady such as yourself would be so kind to help me out" he admitted. Voice almost cracking with the effort it took to keep his composure. In all his years of screwing around with the living, here couldn't think of another encounter that had gone in any other way than entirely his way since the day he died. Except for one. How the Deetz girl had ever outwitted him in the first place escaped him entirely. He supposed she'd been lucky too, but unlike now, that experience had strangely enough given him a new lease on life. And despite the fact he owed his second death to the Lydia girl and her meddlesome friends, he couldn't quite find it in himself to feel all that resentful over it. That wasn't to say he wasn't totally cool with how he'd been cast aside the way he'd been, he couldn't muster up the desire or get riled up enough to take any actions against them. </p>
<p>At least not the way this little shit was pushing his buttons. </p>
<p>   It took a healthy amount of self restraint to maintain a friendly demeanor as she teasingly drawled, slow and deliberate, "Uh-huh, go on, I'm listening". </p>
<p>    With practiced ease, he made his salesman like pitch he must've made over hundreds of thousands of times before. Speaking more like he was trying to sell her a vacuum at the door than a couple centuries old supernatural entity fresh outta hell. "All ya gotta do is say my name three times in a row, and you'll have yourself a personal full-time specter buddy to wreak havoc and raise e hell at your fingertips!".</p>
<p>   His encouraging energy was enough to give Maria pause for thought at least, "Good deal huh? Think of all the trouble we could get into". </p>
<p>   It did sound like a good deal. If that had been all that was to it that it.</p>
<p>"And what's the catch?" Maria shot back without missing a beat, and was not amused in the slightest by the ghouls automatic response. </p>
<p>   "No catch, totally clean, you get an all-powerful, extremely handsome ghoul-roommate with power you couldn't even begin to imagine, and <em>I</em> get a lil bit of wiggling room to hang out up here on the surface. Really, it's a win-win for everyone involved lemme tell ya". There, he'd mostly told the truth, half truths made for better lies. He'd just neglected to inform her of the fact that him being tethered to her didn't exactly shelter her from whatever he decided to get up to afterwards either. He could keep her alive for as long as he needed, he didn't need her to die to make her regret ever even thinking of taunting him so arrogantly. He was imaginative like that. </p>
<p>    Only, Maria was wearing a look flatter than the roadkill plastered to the asphalt out beside the cemetery gates. "Yeah, I think no. Look I'm not stupid enough to just go along with that and say a name that you yourself can't fucking say! Like what kinda dumbass horror movie logic is that?". </p>
<p>"Do I look like the sort of person who'd lie to a lovely lady such as yourself? Is this about my little prank earlier with the head falling off and all that? C'mon, let's just bury the hatchet, make a fresh start, whaddya say?". </p>
<p>    To emphasize his point, he stuck out a hand. Giving Maria ample time to notice his nails were black as coal, the the tips of his fingers were an awful grey-black colour, which normally she would've associated with cold. Though in this case she guessed it had more to do with decay. "Oh I have no problem burying the hatchet, I just never fuckin forget where its buried". </p>
<p>    She paused staring him in the eyes for a minute, and when she couldn't find any trace of any hidden intentions in them, she cautiously took the hand offered. Giving it a firm shake, jolting a bit at the sensation of chilled fingers wrapping around her own. And she had though she was cold, by comparison, she must've felt like a fucking furnace.</p>
<p>Betelgeuse made a pleased noise, releasing her without a fuss or threat of serious bodily harm. And she in turn stuck her own hand back into the relative warmth of her shallow pockets. "So are you really a demon?"</p>
<p>At his questioning look, she winced, realizing how kinda dumb that sounded in hindsight. </p>
<p>"I always thought demons were supposed to be inhuman creatures of nightmarish decent" she clarified, sounding a bit more defensive than she'd meant. </p>
<p>"Do I fuckin look human to you?" he remarked scornfully and still looking at her like she was taking the piss. </p>
<p>    The woman's face went oddly blank as she considered her answer, before quickly coming to the conclusion, "Yeah actually, I mean you look dead, but like a dead human, honestly I just thought you were homeless". </p>
<p>   The ghoul was momentarily flummoxed by her... Interesting observation. Not really appreciating the comment he looked no scarier than a goddamn hobo. In a way that was much more insulting than her playing with his head like it was a fucking football.</p>
<p>"Demon, ghost, I'm the real thing" he ground out a bit too tightly. And Maria took note of how his jaw was working as it clenched and loosened as his irritation flared. </p>
<p>As if to prove a point, an exaggerated pair of horns proofed into existence atop his head amongst the choppy mess of his hair. And she actually had the audacity to <em>snicker</em> at him. </p>
<p>"So what are you a ghost or a demon?". </p>
<p>"Well now I don't feel like tellin' you". </p>
<p>    Maria sighed, a heavily out-on sound that made her whole body seem to sag with the effort, "You sulking cuz I'm not stupid enough to fall for your trap?". </p>
<p>    "Its not a trap, it's a deal, there's a difference" Betelgeuse huffed petulantly. Turning his nose up at her like a difficult child throwing a tantrum. </p>
<p>"You're playing a game here and I don't even know the rules, for all I know we could shake hands and hey presto, i sold my soul I go to hell and you torture my sorry ass for all eternity". </p>
<p>     In an instant, the sour expression the ghoul had been wearing was replaced with an almost comical sultry hooded-eye smirk. The black ringed circled under his eyes making his eyes look thin and sharp. The ghosts tone was shameless, "Please, there are plenty I could do to that ass but I'd hardly call it torture". </p>
<p>Maria visibly gagged. And Betelgeuse couldn't be sure whether she was joking or was genuinely disgusted. </p>
<p>"Clever, alright, I'll give it mull over". </p>
<p>   His face lit up at once. Beaming as though he'd just been fricking plugged in. "And here I was thinking you didn't like hobos". </p>
<p>   The young woman rolled her eyes, bending down to snatch her backpackffrom the ground. Making a face at the damp underside where it had been soaking up the moisture from the wet earth. Nevertheless, she shouldered it with a soft grunt, turning up to find Betelgeuse looking suddenly antsy. Taking her actions of a sign of retreat, sensing he was quickly running out of time to work with. "Don't flatter yourself bug-boy, you're just so happen to be the first ever supernatural entity I've ever run into". </p>
<p>"So I'm your first huh?", another waggle of his brows earned groan, which he took as a compliment. </p>
<p>There really was no better reaction to a line like that than complete and utter disdain--expect of course maybe a quite different and more <em>appreciative</em> reaction. Either way he was happy with, but rubbing her the wrong way was all too satisfying. He had a special talent for pissing people off and generally being as annoying as was humanly possible-and then some, but this was a <em>special</em> occasion. So he was making a <em>special</em> effort. </p>
<p>"Is there an Off button for all those innuendos?". </p>
<p>"Wanna go looking?". </p>
<p>    That was it. Maria was done for the evening, having had enough of the ghouls antics to last her a lifetime. As much as she tried to ignore how she'd actually rather quite enjoyed the.... Interesting fellows company. It was still getting late, and though she was no stranger to the late hours of the night, but she had a meeting with a poor unfortunate soul she'd caught red handed in the midst of a workplace embezzlement scandal earlier that week. And was scheduled to cut him off on his daily commute. Blackmail was a business that paid pretty well, but it took a certain amount of juggling to keep up, any amount of slack granted always seemed to leave her hapless victims into believing they'd been let off the hook. A ridiculous assumption of course, but it couldn't be helped. So she made it a point to keep a snappy and unrelenting approach to those she extorted. </p>
<p>Besides, the bastard had been a giant pain in her ass since the day he moved into the apartment complex a few floors under her. So payback was coming and coming in hot. Hopefully it'd teach him to keep his nose outta other people's business in the future. But she couldn't help but find no small amount of joy in the irony he'd been so quick to get on her case about her 'questionable' activities, when he was no stranger to such activities himself. </p>
<p>    "Maybe another day pal, in the meantime, maybe get thinking a better reason for me to get involved with that scam of yours" the young woman said, pushing past Betelgeuse and skidding down the short incline that led to the gates.</p>
<p>The ghost scowled.</p>
<p>"Spoilsport" he grouched, but he couldn't hide the hint of panic lingering in his eyes as he realized she was leaving. And he hadn't convinced her to say his name even once, never mind three times! Luckily, the human woman wasn't facing him to see the frantic manner in which he jolted. Only just about managing to smooth himself over as he fell into step beside her, walking an odd mix of backwards and sideways. But the humans pace didn't slow in the slightest, and he was forced to a stop and the boundary of the cemetery gates. Blocked by an invisible yet unwavering wall, his soul tethered to the grounds like he was locked to a chain. So all he could do was sag pitifully against the iron fence, clutching at them as though they were the bars of a jail cell. Which in a way he guessed they were. Watching his the first chance he'd had of a possible out he'd had in years! </p>
<p>   So it probably came as no surprise to anyone the way he straightened. A barely there sense of wishful anticipation blossoming in his cold dead chest when the human woman stalled. Lingering just out of reach to shoot the miserably looking ghoul a friendly wave goodnight. </p>
<p>And yet, her parting words acted as kindling to the smoldering embers of hope she'd almost snuffed out the second her foot touched the threshold into land he couldn't touch as much as he desperately yearned to do. </p>
<p>    "Yet I'm a spoilsport who might just so happen to be passing this way again tomorrow evening, see see ya 'round ghost boy".</p>
<p>    And with that, the woman turned on her heel. Slowly ambling her way back to wherever it was from which she'd came. And Betelgeuse's gaze followed her as she went, until the darkness swallowed her up and out of sight. Leaving him with the tentative excitement her quiet almost-promise she'd left him with as parting words. Countless possibilities swarming his head of what he would do if she passed him by again. His only company to wile away the lonely hours of the night. And while he was no stranger to the sensation, suddenly the night felt much colder than it had been before in her absence. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Who's the swindler here?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The ghoul had proven himself to be an utterly shameless flirt over the course of the week. </p><p>   Betelgeuse could hardly believe his luck when the next evening after their first fateful encounter, she'd walked right on in without a second thought. Greeting him with a casual flick of the wrist, having taken a few second to spy his silhouette out in the darkness, before planting herself right in the center of the graveyard. A large bottle of soda clasped in her other hand, clad in the baggiest coat he'd ever seen such a petite figure wear. Making herself right at home in the less than comfortable looking undergrowth, and most notably, coated from head to toe in what genuinely looked like shit. </p><p>     So startled by her appearance, both referring to the mess and the fact she'd shown up at all and so soon to boot, Betelgeuse was uncharacteristically silent. Despite the state of her offering a generous range of conversation kickstarters. Eventually, Maria sighed, having fished out a soggy pack of cigarettes from her pocket, only to find it far past the point of saving. With one last nasty look at the sodden mess, she tossed it away from her. It landed with a wet slap somewhere in the weeds. Slumping and looking thoroughly fed up as her gaze finally flickered up to the ghoul. Seeming a tad startled to find he'd reclined backwards into thin air, lying as though resting on an invisible hammock. </p><p>   "I've had a bad day", was what she went with. She was wet, and she was feeling quite sorry for herself. In reality her day hadn't been too bad for the most part. But now she was cold, and soggy clothes weren't doing anything to improve her mood. </p><p>"Uh-huh, I see that" Betelgeuse nodded. Taking no small degree of amusement in her pitiful appearance. </p><p>    "I hopped a fence and landed straight in a fucking pool that must've not been cleaned since the dark ages on the way here" she grumbled unprompted, gesturing to her... Everything. A resigned expression on her face that oddly enough also seemed slightly tickled. It was like living one of those dumb home video footage TV shows. Humour glinting in dark eyes as she marveled at the sight in front of her.</p><p>The strangeness of the situation finally dawned on her. There she was, sitting, covered in slime and chatting to a dead man who was levitating a foot of the ground like it <em>wasn't</em> the weirdest fucking thing she'd ever experienced. </p><p>What a time to be alive. Or dead in his case. </p><p>"Huh, I smell shit" the ghoul wisely observed. Maria raised a questioning brow at him. Taking a short swig of her drink. </p><p>"<em>Yes you do</em>" she quipped, deadpan and without missing a beat. Smirking as the insult registered on his face, startling a laugh out of him. </p><p>     Evidently, despite looking resigned to the fact she was not going to go home clean, it didn't seem to have effected her spirit. Proven by how she flicked some of the slime still dropping from her sleeve at the back of Betelgeuse's head when he floated too close. Lazily drifting until the top of his messy hair gently bonked against her shoulder. </p><p>   He wasn't too bothered, but nevertheless he sat upright. Still noticeably a good foot off of the ground, legs still stretched out and folded as though he was sat comfortably in the corner of a sofa. Back propped up against some nice soft cushions, though in reality there was nothing there but cold air. And Maria couldn't help but marvel at how utterly relaxed the bastard looked, whilst her ass was already aching and numb from the chill. </p><p>    "I think we can both agree, I wear it better" Betelgeuse commented proudly. Gesturing to himself up-and down with a little strut of a pose. Showcasing the unique blend of having all of his clothes, besides his dusty wrinkled trenchcoat, pressed tidy and neat yet still looking like he'd rolled around in the dirt pathway. Hell, now she looked closely, she was fairly certain there was even some moss growing on a fair bit of it. Even his face, somehow obscured by the vivid green of his hair and beard. </p><p>  He wasn't wrong. He certainly wore it well. That wasn't to say he didn't look like a mess, but it was iconic in a way Maria couldn't quite imagine him wearing anything else. Much less anything... Normal. The strange getup suited him. </p><p>     Whereas she just looked like a drowned cat. A sodden mess, wearing a coat that practically buried her to the point she was swimming in it. And mid length hair falling down her face in rats tails and slick back against her scalp with the slime of whatever had been filling that pool for what must have been months at least. If the question was 'who looked best when completely coated with grime and mismatched clothes', the ghoul was a clear winner. </p><p>   "With all the shit on you, you look like you got dragged through a Bush backwards, I on the other hand, look cultured as fuck", as if to prove a point, he straightened upright. Feet still not quite touching the ground, as he twisted and turned to allow Maria to get a good look at increasingly more arrogantly flamboyant angles. </p><p>  "To me it seems bacteria is the only culture you have is, and I mean that in a kind way" she sneered back. Palm digging into her cheek. Elbow being supported by her knee as she tried in vain to get comfy in the crook of the trees roots her bony ass had squeezed itself into. </p><p>   Betelgeuse reacted as if he'd been shot. "What're you talkin' about? I have like, tons of class! I mean look at this, you tellin' me this isn't the epitome of style to you?". </p><p>    Maria raised a single questioning brow, as if to say 'are you really sure you want me to answer that?', and Betelgeuse narrowed his jade eyes. He could practically hear the snappy little retort she had ready and waiting on her tongue. Though he would admit there was a deliberate fight to stop the corners of his lips to curl at the eager challenge in dancing in her eyes. Daring him. Goading him. Like she had the funniest goddamn joke of all time just waiting in her devious little mind and was desperately trying to keep her composure enough to tell it. </p><p>"Style... Yeah maybe, class--<em>fuck</em> no" </p><p>     "So <em>sassy</em>" he goaded, voice dipping low and sounding clearer than his usual rasp. It was enough to make the young woman snort. And he drifted ever so slowly closer, having previously retreated a small ways away after being struck by her mix of algae and slime. </p><p>"dude, <em>megamind</em> has style" she said, making an odd gesture with her hands that lucked as though she were figuratively clutching at straws before dropping them altogether. Hands resting in her lap as she slouched forwards, "but he's still a giant dork, you're two pricks in the same pod". She folded her arms, relaxing back against the trunk, before jolting forwards as another thought struck her. "Only he was a prick cuz he was just a sad, sad little alien man, are you a sad, sad little <em>demon</em> man?". </p><p>   The ghoul pulled a face, nose scrunching up as he plopped down to sit cross-legged midair. "The fuck is Megamind?".</p><p>"...How long ago exactly did you die?".</p><p>   Betelgeuse gave a scandalized gasp, hand to chest and all. He didn't really mind the question, but she didn't have to know that. And he had every intention of letting her believe she'd just committed a horrible social faux pas. Then again, who was he to say what most dearly departed viewed to be a sensitive subject or not? He was hardly somebody he'd consider to be normal, even amongst the dead. "Wow babes, I dunno how I feel getting so personal on a first date". </p><p>    He could see a flicker of panic in her eyes. And he made a pointed effort to make his face as unreadable as possible as she tried to get an inkling on how bad the damage was. There was none to be found, but she wasn't in on that little secret, so she gracefully hooked onto his response. Opting to take the safer option than perusing a real answer. Unsure whether or not she'd stuck her nose into a sore subject. </p><p>   "If this is a first date I don't think I'll let you take me on a second one, which is a shame since obviously you need to catch up on your movie classics". She realized he'd effectively swerved the question. But didn't know enough to guess whether it was important or not. Either way she could imagine most people wouldn't find the reminder if their death very appealing, so she let it go without a fuss. Still, she couldn't help but feel thankful he'd allowed her to easily bypass being so tactless. He definitely seemed the type to rub a mistake like that in. </p><p>"Ouch. Damn, remind me not take you anywhere nice next time", any bite that might've been present was ultimately snuffed out by the presence of a wide, giddy smile that spread across his face that grew there as naturally as it were the moss clinging to his ashen pale flesh. </p><p>    Encouraged, Maria kept it going. This banter had partially been what had drawn her to return to visit him in the first place. Of course talking to a not so living, breathing defiance of everything she'd been raised to think of as natural was also a big contender to that. A genuine supernatural entity the world scorned the idea is so badly. </p><p>   Of course, there was still the very real prospect she'd just lost her mind. But she supposed that wasn't really her problem, at least until a big white van came to drive her away. So for now, she'd enjoy it as if it were real. Contending with the equally real possibility it was. But it definitely didn't hurt the ghoul was piss-funny. So far anyway. And mostly all the humour had been at his expense of course. And hey, if she really was nuts, and this was all just just the figments of her imagination, then she was flattered to have such concrete proof at at at how how the piss funny funny she was. </p><p>"Yeah, I mean dingy dark cemeteries are obviously too good for me, maybe take me to the dump instead". </p><p>   The ghouls lips spread into a wide grin again. One that had never actually left his face to begin with, but somehow managed to express a new lease of life with every time it widened a fraction. "Just say the word babes", he drawled, long and deliberate. He lifted his pointer finger up, as if to tell her to stop a moment, before finishing, "after you say the magic B-words of course". </p><p>"B-words huh?" asked Maria as she took another long swig from her bottle. It had started going flat, but thankfully the chilly night air was keeping it from going sickly warm as well. Wordlessly, she promoted him to continue with a noncommittal wave of her bottle. The fizzy liquid sloshed around inside with an audible hissing sound as the bubbles were agitated. </p><p>   "Gotta say my name before we can get to any of the fun stuff, Sweets" he shrugged. Crossed arms making the gesture look awkward, so he compensated it by raising his fingers, thumbs still hooked deep into the crooks of his elbows. Making the motion appear smoother. But he feared the eager glint to his eyes would betray his desperation. </p><p><em>C'mon</em>, the thought echoed throughout his head, <em>take the bait already. </em></p><p>Unfortunately for him, Maria stuck to an entirely different part of his little ushering, but he couldn't tell if it was deliberate or not. She appeared to be perfectly at ease though, looking very much as though she were enjoying chatting to an old friend at a bar or something after a long days work. Catching up with someone she knew well and felt comfortable with, rather than a strange dead man she'd only just met the evening before after tossing his head around like a football. "Please tell me your name isn't Bob". </p><p>    The frustration ebbed as he went along with it. Trying hard to enjoy the whole game they were playing. Which was difficult when what he wanted so badly was so within reach, but spooking her off wasn't an option, and he guessed by this point if she figured out his true intentions, she'd only end up using it as another thing against him. And simply leaving her be and waiting for someone else to take her place wasn't an option at all lest he go mad. </p><p>Or maybe the more honest way of putting it would be 'more mad'. </p><p>"Whaddya got against Bob's?". </p><p>    Maria chuckled. Waving a hand in a lazy gesture of surrender. "Nothin, just, if I've gotta say your name and curse my eternal soul to get your ass outta this hole, I was hoping for a more demon-ish sounding name than <em>Bob</em>". </p><p>"Alright miss high-and-mighty, what's yours then? Don't keep me waiting, I wanna hear how amazing yours is to be shitting on all the Bob's out there, running around--you know, really you should be ashamed", of course he was grinning, so it was clear he was full of shit. </p><p>    She was actually taken off guard by that one. She had forgotten that she'd forgotten to try her hand at making introductions. It wasn't all that unusual people on the street didn't really wanna know each other by name, sometimes going by a pseudo identity If not just skipping it altogether. She herself preferred the latter. Even a fake name could be traced back to you somehow, someway. So remaining totally anonymous made being weaseled out a lot more difficult, sure it also made it harder for her 'friends' to track her down too. But seeing as the whole lot of her 'friends' were the type to be bought out over as much as a fairly decently proportioned pizza and a generously sized wad of cash and or booze, she preferred to keep it that way.</p><p>"Oh, uh, its Maria". </p><p>She realized it felt odd, to be asked for her name and to actually be giving it. She figured it wouldn't do any harm, who would he tell anyway? What was the saying, 'dead men tell no tales', or something? Either way, she'd answered him now, she'd mostly answered so honestly automatically. A knee jerk reaction as her mind dwelled on the fact they hadn't even yet explained the normal pleasantries that most situations kinda demanded for normal social interactions to get going. Yet they'd been quite happily chit-chat ting for a while now without her having even uttered a simple 'hello' in greeting. They'd just sorta fallen into a weird rhythm right off the bat. </p><p>Weird. But not unpleasant. </p><p>"Maria..." the ghoul rumbled, tapping his chin thoughtfully, before a devious grin spread across his features, "well isn't that sweet". </p><p>"Don't be a jackass" Maria grumbled, but the ghost wasn't fooled. Hearing the humour in her voice. Both of them were wearing shit eating grins as the woman tried to give him a serious stare-down. Which fell flatter than a flopped pie. </p><p>"Am I ever any other type of ass?" the ghoul commented wisely after a moment or two of stifled snickering. </p><p>"Ah, yes, you do have a point". </p><p>All of a sudden, the silence they'd made easy work of filling stretched. A few heartbeats of feeling dreadfully awkward passed before Maria broke it. </p><p> She managed, "So... What do you get up to here for fun anyways?". Mostly feeling relieved that she hadn't allowed the uncomfortable seconds turn into an uncomfortable few minutes. The feeling of accomplishment didn't distract from how lame the question sounded in her ears though, especially as her voice had broken midway through. After how well the conversation had been flowing up until then it just didn't feel like the witty remark she'd been grasping for. </p><p> The ghost however, seemed entirely unfazed. Though caught onto her embarrassment with practiced ease--being the deceptively observant ghoul as he was. Smirking a sly smirk and making a pointed effort to look her in the face as she stared at her feet in an effort not to make eye contact. It wasn't nearly as nonchalant as she was hoping to be looking, about as subtle as a horse kick to the mouth. </p><p>   Almost unfortunately though, his grin soon dropped a fraction. Before sliding off his face completely, as if he could muster the effort required to maintain it, "A whooooole lotta no thin" he answered honestly. Miserably grimacing at the truthfulness of the statement. </p><p>   Maria narrowed her eyes suspiciously. "Don't you fucking lie to me, whaddya do, terrorise the locals when they come visiting the graves? I bet your headless trick goes down a treat" </p><p>"It would, if people could fucking <em>see</em> it" the ghost groaned, exasperated. </p><p>"You shy or something?" </p><p>"Hell no. Do I gotta spell it out for ya or somethin, I can't do shit to interfere with the land of the living. Most folk can't even see me until a living person such as yourself gets involved". He didn't need to fake the misery in his tone there. Maria however, looked unconvinced. </p><p>"So what exactly am I looking at then?" she countered, as quick on the draw as ever, "I can see you just fine". </p><p>Betelgeuse huffed, mood souring because of <em>course</em> this lump of living wrench would focus on that of all things,"Yeah, you can. Seers aren't too common though, you're only the third I've met, and I've been around a looong time".</p><p>"Well that sucks balls". The ghoul quirked an unamused electric-green eyebrow as if to say 'yeah no shit', but otherwise didn't react more than rolling his eyes. Meanwhile Maria was awkwardly digging her heel into the dirt, sensing she was knee deep in sore subject and it was all she could do to not twist her foot on the way out. </p><p>   Having... Well, not so much 'lived', but rather 'been around' for a fair while now, the ghoul knew enough to see she was flailing to pick the conversation back up again. Having dropped the rope with both hands after putting her proverbial foot in her mouth. And as much as he enjoyed the sight of her discomfort so ripe on her pretty little slime-caked face, her being uncomfortable wouldn't do him much good if she ended up deciding she was uneasy enough to bolt and never come back. So it was with great effort he so gracefully turned the other cheek, swiftly and easily picking up the slack where she'd left it. As effortless as he was filthy, and the little human breather seemed to perk up quite a bit by the change of topic. There was a grateful twinkle in her eye as she attentively listened to him spin his five yards. </p><p>"Eh, I prefer it up here to down there, I mean I'm stuck, but it's... More free up top. Alive and all that shit. I just wish..." he managed, trailing a little too much into honest territory than he was comfortable with. It was not lost on Betelgeuse however, that his audience seemed suddenly a lot more sympathetic in company than she'd been a moment ago. </p><p>Well, he'd take that. </p><p> </p><p>The rest of the night passed by uneventfully, and all too soon, the little criminal had to take her leave. Though once again she left with the (almost) promise of returning the next eve. And she did. And the next, and the one after that, and so on. Some night she missed, and on those nights the dead man felt the blood that had long since stopped pumping in his veins freeze. Thinking, that was that, she was gone and she wasn't coming back. And he'd sulk away the day after which she'd been absent wondering how long it'd be until the next time a living thing would stumble upon him again. Thinking, hey, maybe the wait wouldn't be too bad after all, after all, Maria had been the second breather he'd met, and both in the same decade too! Maybe third time would truly be the charm. </p><p>Only for a certain someone would turn up the next evening, grinning and maybe only a little sheepish, and with a brand new story to tell of her adventures of the night before. As well as the events that had kept her so busy she couldn't even stop by for a couple of minutes to let the poor dead man know she hasn't just up and decided he wasn't all that interesting a ghoul anymore. </p><p>Not that he was bitter or anything. He didn't need no mere mortal to have a good time. </p><p>No. Just to be free. </p><p>Time passed by in a flash. For Maria anyway, Betelgeuse, not so much. Mostly he spent his time... Waiting. Which had a way of making the seconds crawl. But he used what time he did get wringing every precious minute dry. And by the time a week had passed since their memorable meeting, he'd had quite ample opportunity to make use of his charming personality, or at least he thought so. Guessing by the way the living lady kept returning to the dingy old dump in the late hours of the night, she thought so too. </p><p>Which made it all the more infuriating by how little progress he'd made. </p><p>                                 ________________</p><p><em>Tuesday, 4AM</em>. </p><p>"won't you shake a poor sinners hand and... Seal the deal?" Betelgeuse purred, arm extended. He'd been laying it on real thick for the past forty-five minutes, but he held out hope that his persistence was paying off. Maybe if he made himself look as desperate as he was, the pity points he'd earn would outway the mortification. </p><p>At the very least, he could at least count on the constant begging would certainly make him look harmless. No badass in their right mind would keep up such a whiny spiel. But then again Betelgeuse wasn't really in his right mind to begin with. </p><p>Unfortunately, the line, as the countless others before it, failed about just as miserably as if he'd been trying to light a wet match to soggy cardboard. The human woman rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that evening, looking extraordinarily unimpressed. </p><p>"Did you read than line somewhere or what?". The ghoul didn't even need to look, he could hear the boredom in her tone. </p><p>Damn. Maybe persistence didn't always pay off. At <em>this</em> rate he'd have better luck seducing her with casual innuendos. Right, no problem, charming? He could do that! He was hilarious after all, if getting her to crack up was what it took to keep her coming back, he wouldn't even have to break a sweat. He just had to be patient, more importantly though--be entertaining. </p><p>He could do that. So long as she didn't get bored of him, he'd have all the chances he could ask for. Don't let her get fed up and all he'd have to do would be wait. Yes, he could do that, he'd waited this long hasn't he? What's a week, or a month, or a year compared to a century or two? </p><p>    The ghoul groaned, flinging himself back to float hammock-style beside her. And the woman herself shot him an envious scowl in return, and he snickered evilly, making a show of getting cozy. Rubbing it in as she tried unsuccessfully to find a comfortable position against the gnarled roots of the tree acting as her backrest. The cold ground sapping the heat from her body from her arse.</p><p>"Cmon, it's boring as fuck here, if I wasn't already dead I'd die of boredom". </p><p>   Maria sighed mournfully, raising her arms to mime playing an invisible instrument with a, "where oh where did I leave my violin?". </p><p>Betelgeuse huffed.</p><p>"You torture me" he grumbled. </p><p>"it's my new favourite hobby" Maria smirked, bumping shoulders with him, before getting settled, having decided the dead man made a much more agreeable cushion than the corpse of a tree behind her. </p><p>                             __________________</p><p>
  <em>Wednesday, 1:35AM</em>
For someone who wanted his name spoken so badly, it took a considerable amount of fussing to bloody get it outta him. 
</p><p>    Maria had yet to sleep for longer than a period of twenty minutes, and had decided to fuel her day on copious amounts of caffeine and sugar. Leaving her a jittery, tired mess by the time she'd stumbled through the churchyard gates. She'd briefly considered bunking off the nights visit, but having being experienced in the art of not sleeping for unhealthy amounts of time, she knew enough to know she wouldn't sleep even if she were snuggled up warm and cozy in her bed right that second. </p><p>If she was going to be awake, wasting away the hours in good company was far more appealing than tossing and turning in the empty silence of home. </p><p>      Well, that's what she'd thought anyway, only after an hour into the ghost fellows complaining during her visit, she was beginning to <em>really</em> question her decision as the ghoul seriously began testing her patience. He was poking and prodding in a way that clued her in to what he was actually doing. He was feeling out her boundaries, pushing just enough to see how far he could actually go without actually going too far. </p><p>That wouldn't have bothered her too much, if he hadn't just about driven her up the wall with his <em>whining</em>. It'd started off just fine, he'd cracked a few jokes and she'd sent some right back. Only when she'd casually brought up her deeds of the day, he'd suddenly latched onto the subject with a death grip ironic considering the situation. </p><p>She'd just about got done recounting the epic tale of the nights exploits from the eve they'd met, when the ghoul had let loose a jealous snarl, before tossing his head back to groan his displeasure at the heavens. </p><p>    "If you're that bored go play in the... The whaddya call it? The netherworld?". </p><p>"The Neitherworld" Betelgeuse halfheartedly corrected, wagging his pointer finger in the air and wearing an expression of mild irritation. Breathers just couldn't get it right, all across history, he'd lost count with how many timed he'd made that correction. Still, there were more interesting matters up for discussion to focus on, and the ghoul didn't fancy getting stuck on trivial matters such as afterlife trivia. </p><p>"--and nah, as dull as it is in the shit hole, I still prefer up here to down there". </p><p>    That wasn't to say he didn't enjoy partying 'downstairs' so to speak. But there was something about the living world that was so much more enticing. </p><p>"Fair enough" Maria hummed. She couldn't really pass judgement having never visited the place, for obvious reasons. So she had no knowledge to form her own opinion on the matter, but it did get her wondering. When she finally popped her clogs, would she find an eternity in the great beyond as unappealing as he did? The thought wasn't too fun. Maybe she'd end up a graveyard haunt too, one day. Preferably far into the future. </p><p>"Yknow most breathers would've asked more about it by now". </p><p>"whaddya mean?". </p><p>"About down there". </p><p>  Maria flinched, but relaxed immediately after, a somewhat sheepish quality to the way she slouched forward. "Oh, well, I figured if it was any fun, you would've been hanging about there rather than sticking around this dump". </p><p>"Hey, never said nothin about it not being any fun--I just said I prefer it up here" </p><p>"So what is it like then?" </p><p>"Busy" the ghoul said. </p><p>"Could you be any less vague?" Maria shot back. </p><p>"Yes". </p><p>                                  ______________</p><p>
  <em>Friday, 3:56AM</em>
</p><p>"you've heard of doctor-do-little, there goes doctor-do-fuck-all" Maria mumbled disdainfully, and the ghoul sitting beside her sat up to lean forward to follow her line of sight. It took a second to lock onto whatever had caught the little ladies attention, and he wasn't all that impressed to find he'd gone through the effort of moving to stare at what looked to be a greasy looking rat of a man slinking by on the street across from them, beyond the cemetery gate. </p><p>He looked to be around his mid forties, dressed in an oversized coat, a poor attempt to hide the swollen flesh of his gut. There was an anxious jitter to the way he walked. Peering ahead and occasionally behind in a way that said he was looking out for something, or someone. His gait just a little too fast to be considered casual, with a nervous little hop to his step as he hurriedly disappeared from sight around a far corner. </p><p>   Still, the ghoul couldn't deny her distaste for the stranger had definitely caught his interest. It was with a rumble low in his chest he popped the question, more out of courtesy if anything. Something about the way the little ladies hunched shoulders and the scowl on her face hinted she was in the mood to rant, whether he invited it or not.</p><p>"What's got your panties in a twist bout him?". </p><p>"let's just saw I went in with a couple scuffs and came out with the same scuffs and a lotta cash lighter" Maria grumbled, arms folded and making a show of being in a sulk. Pleased, Betelgeuse tried and failed to hide his grin, earning a haughty scoff from her, who shuffled back into her backpack she was using as a pillow, a noticeable space between the two that hadn't been there a moment before. </p><p>"Bastard practically robbed my sorry butt". </p><p>"if you're such a badass why'dya let 'I'm?" </p><p>"ugh, save your breath ghoul boy, you need it to blow up your girlfriend" </p><p>"please, back in the great beyond I get more ass than a toilet seat" </p><p>"how much do ya pay em?". </p><p>                                     _____________</p><p>
  <em>Saturday, 2:25am</em>
</p><p>"So what is it you do during daylight hours anyway? You waste away the hours of your measly miserable fleshebag life in an office somewhere?" </p><p>"Nope, that lifestyles way too dull for me" </p><p>"ya ain't a cop or some shit are ya?" </p><p>"very funny, but no, I'm what you might call a snitch" </p><p>"a snitch?" </p><p>"a <em>professional</em> snitch" </p><p>"you're shitting me" </p><p>"Nope, but I'm more of a blackmail kinda gal if you wanna get into the specifics. Or course I do a little work as an info broker on the side, yes sir, I make my living tormenting the local undesirables and harassing the big-boy gangs, but mostly I do it for fun, what can I say, something about watching those idiots in 'organized crime' falling flat on their faces after all that plotting and planning really gets my gears going"</p><p>"ya ain't worried 'bout them comin' after ya?" </p><p>"why would I? I'm uncatchable, those idiots couldn't catch me if I had one leg, one arm with both tied together!" </p><p>                            ____________________</p><p> </p><p>Betelgeuse was worried. </p><p>The little breather woman hadn't shown up in almost half a week now. Never before had she been absent for so long in one go and it made the ghost man uneasy. Especially since he couldn't exactly waltz on out after the woman--his only option was to wait. Heading 'downstairs' for a little fun was out of the question as well, what if she came back whilst he was gone? And he sure as shit wasn't about to go and risk that, but the prospect of waiting like a faithful lapdog at the cemetery gates on the off chance she'd come swanning in down the road.</p><p>   No doubt with not so much as an "I'm sorry super-handsome ghost man for being late. And of course I didn't forget you, could you ever possibly forgive me? Let me summon you right away and I can get right onto making sure you're comfortable in you new home with all the snacks you can eat and booze you can drink!" when she came back. </p><p> </p><p>So it was with no doubt the ghoul was quite startled when that's precisely what she did. Come back that is, in quite speedy fashion. </p><p>The young woman appeared in sight from the alleyway a few blocks away, if he hadn't been attentively surveying the area from the cemetery fence, he might not have noticed at first. Though by the way she was hurtling down the street at speed he definitely would have took notice pretty quickly anyway. And the sour greeting he shot her way was lost in the chaos of her flinging herself up and over the fence. Landing flat on her front like a startled cat, and it was in a state of alarm she shot up to her feet. Taking a second to dart her head every which way in a panic, scanning for something, before grasping for the collar of the befuddle ghouls shirt and hoisting him off in the direction of a fairly recently built mausoleum on the property. </p><p>It had only been built perhaps a year or two ago, yet already it was sunk in weeds. The structure was fairly small, maybe just about as big as a medium sized shed, but it provided a fairly decent place for the young woman to slot herself behind the space between the wall and a nearby above ground vault. The ghouls hair blended well with the weeds, which where so tall from years of neglect they almost perfectly engulfed the pair from view. Which was precisely what Maria was hoping for. </p><p>"you gonna let me in on what all the theatrics are for or?" </p><p>"just a very full and productive week of getting into trouble is all" she stated proudly. Only to wilt at the sound of fast approaching footsteps on the street outside. Quickly accompanied by yelling. </p><p>"Something tells me little-miss-uncatchable got herself caught" the ghoul smugly drawled. And Maria flinched, drooping her shoulders before shaking her head as if she had water stuck in her ear. When she met his gaze again there was a form look of (<s>denial</s>) determination in her eyes. </p><p>"ppffttt, what? You kidding me? I lured em here! This is all definitely probably maybe part of my elaborate plan to get away" </p><p>"What's the rest of the plan?" </p><p>"subdue them" </p><p>"with?" </p><p>The woman's confidence expression wavered a second as she looked all around, apparently searching for something, before answering. </p><p>"this rock". Sure enough, held tightly within her fist was a generously sized rock with a mean looking edge. If she got a good hit in, her pursuers would likely be too dazed to do much good chasing after her. If she could smack em in the head as hard as she could kick, Betelgeuse reasoned she'd have a decent shot at making a clean getaway. </p><p>That was at least he thought that until he actually caught sight of the people who belonged to those voices. </p><p>Three men, beefed up goon-types, each more jacked up and mean looking than the last, came thundering around the corner not a moment ago Maria herself had appeared from. The whole lot of them shared the same faded looking jumpsuits and oversized black boots. Which Maria had to thank their telltale stomping for giving away their positions in their attempts to head her off on her way here. And all were notably a head or two taller than both Maria and Betelgeuse. And they were still pretty far away. </p><p>Maria wasn't entirely sure she appreciated the look on thee ghouls face when hew turned back to her. An reverent expression of "You are totally screwed". Like he was both totally amazed she could manage to get herself so spectacularly fucked, in hot pursuit in the middle of the night by three giants looking to wring her pretty neck. Her didn't envy her in the slightest mind. Well that was a lie, he'd pay good money to toss around a couple knuckle-buster thick-headed losers for a laugh. That'd be a helluva party, but he sincerely doubted the little lady currently going a shade whiter than when she'd arrived was capable of shoving a man's hand up his own arse and reaching down his throat to shake his hand. Especially when the man in question could crush her head like a soda can with one fist. </p><p>"Right, yknow good luck with that, uh, real great plan there" </p><p>"You got a better idea? These guys ain't as dumb as they look, they've found me every time I thought I shook em loose, and I don't wanna risk them finding my hidey-hole if I can help it. I already used up most of my good traps on last nights run" </p><p>"Well, I guess if you asked me real nice-like, I could give you a bit of a hand. Give the fleshie suckers the ol'e one-two, but it'll cost ya" </p><p>"You couldn't just give me a freebie this once? Call it a sneak peak or  advertisement or something?" </p><p>"no can do babes, this Ghoul doesn't do charity. And there really ain't much I can do 'till you say those three special words anyhow if I wanted to" </p><p>The little lady clicked her tongue derisively. Not best pleased. But for the first time in a while to the ghouls fiendish delight she looked to be really considering it as the thought over her options. </p><p>"Fine, didn't want your help anyway" </p><p>The seriousness in her tone was quickly cut off by the small shriek that died halfway in her throat when Betelgeuse shot upright. Out from behind the cover of the overgrown grass and weeds with a cheerful hop. And the woman practically shit a brick when the traitorous ghoul waved both arms frantically above his head. </p><p>"Over here!" he trilled. Ignoring the sharp kick to his shin from Maria even as she ducked lower in a futile attempt to be better hidden. </p><p>He continued to ignore her furious hissing wondering what the hell he was playing at as he delved into mad, gleeful cackling. He was full on howling, clutching his stomach as if he'd been shot, so wracked with his guffawing. </p><p>Scrambling to her knees in a panic, Maria scurried towards the back of the concrete tomb. Hastily scanning for the goons that must have been closing in faster than she could even think--only to scowl in bafflement when she found three figures skulking out in the street just beyond the fence. Seeming just as clueless as they had been a moment ago. And not a single one of them seemed all that inclined to hop the fence. In fact, they didn't look much like they were doing much of anything at all. </p><p>Behind her, Betelgeuse was still laughing so hard she was sure that if he were alive he would've killed himself already. His face buried in the ground crouched low on his knees, propped up with his own forehead. Wheezing, he started coughing, his laughter still coming with every breath he manages to heave. Until eventually he started to almost start retching. </p><p>After that, it still took a moment for him to compose himself enough to speak.</p><p>"I'm dead genius, remember? Ain't nobody here can see me but you sweetheart". </p><p> Maria blinked, stunned. "You--". </p><p>"Yes, me" Betelgeuse preened theatrically, "greatest ghoul that ever died". </p><p>"--almost gave me an aneurysm" she finished, pressing a hand over her heart and sucking in a deep breath to sigh heavy and wearily. </p><p>"Well duh, that's why it's fun, besides I had to do something to lighten the mood, put my foot down, yeah?" </p><p>"yeah, right onto a fucking land mine" the young woman muttered. Returning her focus once again onto the men wandering about the street outside. </p><p>She almost felt hopeful they'd pass her by entirely, but of course that was far too convenient. One fellow was distracted peering in through the bars as the other two paces the road, evidently frustrated having lost the trail. The lead goon eventually moving to lead the other two away, but unfortunately the fellow scanning the yard with suspicious eyes had apparently brought attention to the potential hiding spot. The three gathering by the locked gate, giving it an experimental rattle, before deciding much to Maria's dismay that it was worth checking out. </p><p>    They hopped the fence and Maria swore under her breath. Creeping steadily towards the end of the wall she was backed against. Ducking around the corner just in time to avoid the steady gaze of the bastard that had directed the groups attention to her hiding place. Briefly the idea of scurrying up the back end of the wall to get up on the roof crossed her mind. It was just tall enough that maybe if she could get up and lie flat they wouldn't see her, but there was barely anything to grip on to pull herself up with. And though she knew she could probably get up if she tried, the noise she'd make scraping her feet into what footholds there were would definitely alert the group to her presence. </p><p>    Sneering at her shit nights fortune. Maria turned her eyes back to the group who were slowly making their way deeper into the yard. They'd begun splitting up, straying away from one another as they stalked through the gloom. Two veering more to the left whilst one had disappeared around the front edge of the structure she was plastered against in the opposite end. </p><p>   This was bad. She was surrounded on both sides, and soon as they progressed she'd have nothing between her and them but a knee-high bed of weeds. Thinking quickly, Maria resolved that it was probably smarter to focus on the right side of her hidey hole. It would be easier to sneak past one guy than two, and a quick peek revealed he was luckily straying off further to the right as he creeped past. Preoccupied with what he must have felt was a pretty promising looking dip in the ground at the base of the uneven hill of ground the tree her butt had become intimately familiar with over the passing week. </p><p> She waited for him to pass before sneaking her way along the corner. Keeping her back pressed against the wall, before tiptoeing her way towards the far front right. Reasoning that he was less likely to search places he'd checked out already. She jumped at the slight pressure that brushed against her back, spinning back only to find Betelgeuse was following close behind. Crouching as though he needed to stay out of sight as well and keeping a watchful eye on the three men with just as much intensity. </p><p>"Fuck em up Buttercup" a hushed whisper barked in her ear suddenly, and she jolted where she knelt. Shooting him a sneer as he shit his own sly look his her way. </p><p>"the fuck did you just say to me?". </p><p>"go for the kill daffodil?" he tried, uncertain. His expression bordering on hesitant. </p><p>"You're shitting me now, where the hell did you hear that shit?" Maria grumbled. She snorted at how odd it sounded in his voice, gruff but with an unmistakable lilt of glee. Like he meant it <em>literally</em>. </p><p>Thinking on it for a beat longer, she supposed he probably <em>did</em>. </p><p> Betelgeuse shrugged. "Some dead kid I ripped off, him and his weasel-bitch of a girlfriend, I'd like to say...maybe--maybe three months ago?". He neglected to add that the kid had only uttered those words after he, per <em>his</em> encouragement, had sent his lady-friend headfirst into the angry mob they had incurred the wrath of. Much thanks to Betelgeuse's own questionable advice in gaining the locals love and adoration. It had all been a clever ruse devised by said ghoul, tricking the poor wet-nosed souls into taking the fall for his own shenanigans of the night. </p><p>The poor daffodil in question had indeed ended up requiring to take his 'advice' as he'd said it to avoid a pavement facial. Idly he wondered how the pair had fared after he'd made his getaway Scott free. His debts acrued that evening having been left to be paid by the very unfortunate pair unlucky enough to have wandered into his lap. Truly, wrong place wrong time. </p><p>It was bad enough they'd died that evening. </p><p>  The ghoul waved matter away with a frustrated snarl, "Whatever, the point is go tear those three some new assholes!". </p><p>As if to aid making his point, he bared his fists, fisticuff style, giving them a short-sharp slam into an imaginary punch bag, followed by a particularly dramatic duck'n'weave. </p><p>  Not entirely enamored with his endearing display, Maria scoffed. The huff blowing her bangs from her face briefly, only to fall back into her eyes. "I only look like an idiot ghost-buster, I don't fancy my odds playing with those fellas without my toys handy" </p><p>"So much for all that tough talk about being a badass, didn't take ya for a chicken, after all your bragging I thought I'd at least get to see ya sock em in the unmentionables". </p><p>That drew a chuckle, which was surprising cuz that certainly hadn't been his intention to make the little human laugh. Quite the opposite in fact, more on the insulting was what he'd had in mind. Yet still, there the little fleshbag was, side eyeing him with a downright devious little grin. </p><p>"Never said I wasn't gonna. But I don't start brawls I can't win" she stated in a matter-of-fact way. </p><p>Confused but more intrigued than anything, Betelgeuse frowned. Alright, he'd bite.</p><p>"Yeah, so what`ya gonna do then?" he inquired. Not all that certain if he was liking this turn of events or not. After all, he hadn't expected the fleshie to go in brawling from the beginning. But damn if the thought on humiliating her for her cowardice hadn't been the best fricking way to spend the evening. He'd hold it over her for weeks! Or at least, that had been the plan. But here she sat, next to him and looking fricking devilish in the way she was eyeing the three pursuers in turn as if they were perfect, pristine expensive sets of China, and here she was with a baseball bat and ready to start <em>swinging</em>. </p><p>"gonna get sneaky up in this bitch". </p><p> </p><p>So, it was with relative amusement he observed her, gradually and ever so cautiously sneak her way towards the single goons back. He hadn't quite expected her to actually... Do what she did. He'd really expected that all her tough talk to be hogwash, bullshit fabricated to seem more badass than she actually was. But it was with almost impressive and <em>practiced</em> grace she slid like a second shadow up behind him. He was a couple heads taller than her, and her watched with glee as he thought she'd gone and stumped herself. Only to practically fucking choke on his own tongue when suddenly, and with a savage precision she wrapped her tiny body like some sort of spider monkey around his torso. Hooking a leg firmly around his throat, taking advantage of the strength within them, knowing that her arms wouldn't be up to the task even if she tried and with the element of surprise.</p><p>     Taking advantage of his shock, she wound herself as tightly as she was able, faintly ignoring the impact as he lost his balance as he tried in a frenzied panic to pry away her limbs. And it was like that she held him, in that bizarre choke hold, whilst her hands busied themselves with unfastening his belt. Binding his limbs that had started to go slack from lack of air. She hurt just looking at him all curled backwards with his legs and arms flexing his body like a backwards croissant. She finally released the pressure against his windpipe, allowing him to suck in a greedy breath before stuffing his own sock to gag his mouth, using his shoelaces to ensure he wouldn't be able to spit it out and blow her cover. </p><p>She swiftly made certain he was breathing alright before shuffling away again. Moving determinedly to the front face of the tomb. Meanwhile Betelgeuse focused more of picking his own jaw off the floor. </p><p>The stone at her back sent a chill down her back as she sucked in a breath and slid alongside it to keep herself within its shadow. The rough texture grazing across her fingertips as beady eyes made out the silhouette of a figure within the darkness. Not even the moon was present go offer its light tonight. Its cool, gentle glow engulfed by murky skies. </p><p>The two men remained oblivious to their friends little predicament. Trailing away from one another as the matching grimaces upon their faces clued Maria in on the fact they were likely bordering on giving up the search. Having yet to find any trace of the woman anywhere they'd searched, they'd made a wrong turn and lost the trail. And as frustrating as it was to admit, it was something they knew they'd just have to accept. They would just have to pick up the chase again another night. </p><p>Betelgeuse had a front row seat in watching Maria lure away one of the men as his friend continued to moodily stalk through the weeds. The fellows curiosity getting the better of him as he crept to investigate the noises she had made, tossing rocks aimed towards an especially large tombstone. It would have been just high enough for her to have ducked behind, and it was with a visible sneer the ghoul watched the woman's eyes glint with an all too eager impishness as the clueless bloke stepped past her hiding spot. </p><p>    Only, it was just as this was taking place, Betelgeuse became extremely much more preoccupied by the other remaining man creeping towards where the first had been left struggling against his bindings on the ground. And he felt his stomach lurch with excitement as her activities were discovered with a quiet curse. Turning back to the little lady, he found she had yet to notice. Too busy wrestling unsuccessfully with her current handful. </p><p>Too distracted to notice the trouble sneaking up behind her. </p><p>And, frankly Betelgeuse smelled an opportunity. </p><p>He allowed the stranger to creep up all the way. Shouting a lazy "Heads up!" in warning that was just enough to be able to say he had. And just in time that the young woman could twist in time to avoid the crack to her head as the man towering over her drove his foot instead into her back. She made a grunting cry of alarm as she and the fellow in her grasp rolled from the impact. Maria detangling herself from the mess of limbs and darting back just in time to avoid the man who she'd been wrestling with swiping at her. </p><p>She cautiously backed away a safe distance, trying to put as much space as she could between them. But there was only so far she could go before her back came flushed up against the cool metal bars of the fence. </p><p>Her face twisted, expression turning sour. </p><p>And that's precisely when her gaze met his. Her eyes saying it all, "a little help, please?". </p><p>Sauntering up to her side, and smugly hooking his arm over her shoulders as she quite literally backed herself into a corner. Betelgeuse whistled at the fine mess the little lady had found herself in. She was beginning to wonder if maybe it would've been smarter to have just legged it whilst they'd been on the far side of the cemetery. Hell, they might've even overlooked her entirely if she'd stayed put--but she couldn't quite deny that the ghouls niggling hadn't played a part in her poor decision making. The bastards eyes had been laughing at her dammit. And she'd felt the need to prove herself, against her better judgement, now look at the fine mess she'd gotten herself stuck in. </p><p>"Yknow... If you need a hand, I suppose I could find it in my heart to offer my services" </p><p>She shot him a dirty look. One that only served to widen his already shit eating grin. </p><p>Scowling, Maria flitted her eyes between the steadily approaching men. Both wearing dark expressions that threatened. No. Promised, pain. </p><p>"You fuckin planned this" she snipped, giving him a look of loathing he'd never had the pleasure of receiving from someone he hadn't technically done anything to yet. </p><p> He fluttered his eyelids innocently. His voice sickly sweet as he assured her he had no idea what she was talking about. </p><p>"Bullshit" she'd hissed. Trying to lunge for an open space in a hasty attempt to slip by the pair. They closed the space easily, scoffing with a playful "almost!". Clearly enjoying prolonging the inevitable as they edged closer. Not entirely knocking the possibility of her lashing out as a last-ditch effort for escape. She'd already proven herself to be a tricky little bitch. Something that for once she was cursing herself for, because if she could've done with anything in that moment, the element of surprise would've been the least she would've asked for. </p><p>"Offer stands babe". </p><p>She cursed once. Twice. </p><p>Then her shoulders slumped in defeat. </p><p>The ghoul could scarcely believe it. Rubbing his hands together with eager fingers as he let out a manic giggle. Hopping from one foot to another in uncontained excitement as he waited for those three magical words to fall from those lovely lips pressed into such a displeased line. </p><p>"You better fucking get me out of this or so help me god--" she warned with a growl. Before letting out a huff of air, turning to the goons before her. Both wearing twin befuddled frowns. She wouldn't be surprised if they were wondering if she'd lost her mind. Maybe she had. </p><p>She grinned. "You fuckers are in for it now". </p><p>"Betelgeuse... Betelgeuse...Beetlejuice". </p><p>The response was immediate. A sharp shocking blast of energy pierced his soul to its very core. Like lightning, the blinding flash of light accompanied by a blast of hot air. Knocking everyone but the dead man to the ground. </p><p>  The blazing, scorching heat, Bordered on painful, if it wasn't simultaneously the sweetest sensation he had ever felt in his long un-life. Just as swift as it had appeared, the strike of energy dispersed back into the oblivion it had came. The crackling electricity fizzing through his dead limbs, until the man himself was practically vibrating with it. A devilish sneer spreading across his face, eyes widening a fraction as the absolutely baffled look of confusion crossed the men picking themselves up off their arses. The sadistic glee of the fun he was about to have doing things to his stomach. Good things, great things. </p><p>He was free. <em>Free! </em></p><p>Wiggling his toes and fingers he marveled at the sensation he could feel now his body was solid. He was actually there, he could feel the cold air, smell the damp earth. </p><p>Feel the power coursing through veins that had long since drained of flowing blood. </p><p>An unfamiliar voice cursed. The ghoul whirling to face the startled looking face responsible for uttering it. It wasn't quite fear, not yet, but there was plenty of time to remedy that. But the man was very visibly alarmed, his friend sitting beside him still more dazed than anything. </p><p>"Buckle up boys!" the ghoul growled, arms splayed in a grand display for his grand entrance. Maria blinking away the light from her eyes, the fearful expression on her face only serving to escalate his own delight. </p><p>
  <em>The night couldn't have gone better. </em>
</p><p>"Its <em><strong>showtime!".</strong> </em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A nice long update! You wouldn't believe how much trouble I've had writing this, writers block is a bitch.<br/>Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter!</p><p>Till next time~</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Oh god... They were roommates!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>An almighty roar pierced the quiet gloom of the evening. And Maria felt her blood running cold in her veins as her own shock send her flying back to land on her arse. The instinctive urge to flee causing her to stumble before her feet could quite catch up with the rest of her. But she was lucky. At least the monster before her wasn't even looking her way. The three fellas that had spent the best part of the week chasing her down were not so lucky. </p><p>Betelgeuse's figure rounded on the three men. His body having twisted beyond all recognition, rendering him almost unrecognizable. His bones snapping and flesh bubbling grotesquely to shape itself into something that resembled some sort of disgusting, demonic looking snake. The familiar green tuft of hair remaining on top of a grossly oversized head. And the black and white stripes of his suit had remained to wrap around the bulk of his long bulbous body that coiled beneath him like a spring. His mouth open in a maniacal sneer as he snarled down at his prey, with foul stench to match. </p><p>Suddenly Maria felt very glad to not be on the receiving end of that sneer. The three musketeers, apparently having recovered from their shock, remembered the fact that, hey, they had legs! and promptly began using them to beat a hasty retreat. The gentleman she had "manhandled" into "submission" was lucky enough to still be knocked out cold. Though the groaning noses he was making suggested he was rousing. The other two however were scrambling to get away. One was struggling to get and then remain on his feet, whilst his mate was booking it in the complete opposite direction. He didn't seem to care that direction ended in a dead end. Just anything to put as much distance between himself and...that <em>monstrosity </em>that was Betelgeuse as he could. she could hear a strange rolling, guttural growling of a noise, and it took a moment for Maria to recognize it for what it was--laughter. Or more specifically, Betelgeuse laughing. Cackling madly in this monstrous noise. unrestrained and very obviously delighted. He seemed energized in a way Maria had noticed before, but never seen quite to this extent. He has always had a wild sort of energy to him, which was now intensified in a pure <em>unhinged </em>and raw manner.</p><p>He was very clearly off his rocker.</p><p>Maria flinched, making the mistake of taking a tentative step back. It was instinctive, but the movement caught the demonic monstrosities attention. For the briefest moment, a fleeting yet devilish leer was shot her way. It lingered, staring unblinkingly at her, seeming to consider her for a moment. She could see herself reflected in its gaze, looking very much like a deer caught in headlights, wide-eyed and startled. It blinked owlishly, before a disgusting excuse for a smile, filled with contempt, apparently pleased by the sight. the abomination drew in a deep breath through its nose, savoring the scent, the fear. before it turned away. Evidently more enticed by the other fearful prey at hand. And it stared at the fleeing unfortunates with rapt attention. </p><p>  He watches as the duo scrambled the fences to get away, but in their haste they didn't quite manage to much else but push up against the railings in a flailing panic as they babbled in unintelligible blubberings. Part in prayer to whatever deities they could think of and part apologizing to the abomination for whatever misdeeds they had done to catch his ire. They hadn't don't anything of course, except maybe just being there. Unfortunately for them they'd given chase to the wrong hooligan that night, and now it was their turn to be the ones under pursuit. Maybe if they'd had half a brain to bash together between em they might have maintained the dignity and coordination to give each other a leg-up over the fence. But as it stood, neither seemed in their right mind to do anything other than press themselves as far as they could into the corner they'd backed themselves into. </p><p>"Run Rabbit, runnnnnn rabbit, run run <em>ruunnnnn</em>", the monstrosity sang as he slowly advanced on the terrified pair. His voice hissing and warped, like a record playing too slow. The pair seemed to stiffen at the sound of him approaching. he did so with surprising grace, gliding across the ground like the snake he resembled, only it was odd for such a vile creature to be associated with any degree of grace.</p><p>The thugs, reaching an epiphany of sorts, seemed to remember that there were two of them. And turned, facing one another with an apprehensive leer, before congregating to one spot. The tombstones sitting between them and the creature apparently offering a pathetic form of comfort. Betelgeuse seemed to sense this, because he allowed them a moment of relief. Waiting until the moment one of them was foolish enough to visible sag a little with it, when the creatures face contorted further. expression dark, when with a sudden deep gulp of air, he roared,</p><p>"<em><strong>RUN!</strong></em>"</p><p>The ear-shattering sound was loud enough that it must have been audible throughout the entire block. probably even further, but it was enough that all three of the living locked within the cemetery were forced to buckle as they slammed their hands over their ears in a poor attempt to block it out. Maria was almost surprised there hadn't been an accompanying blast and that what she had mistaken for a shout had in fact been a bomb. But it wasn't, and Betelgeuse savored the moment by drawing his unholy bellowing. An unnatural wind whipping at her ankles with the force of a self-conjured shockwave (for extra effect of course, he really was pulling out all the stops here). Maria scrunched her eyes shut against the stinging wind, curling in on herself as a pounding, dull ache bloomed in her eardrums. Cringing away from the source of the sound was just about all she could do in her disoriented state, but cracking open an eye she could see a blinding flash of light erupting from beneath the monster and markings its path. Tinged green with flashed of purple, like the underworld itself was breaching through he cracks he left in the earth in his wake. She could hear the earth shifting, which she was sure would have sounded much louder if it weren't for the demonic shrieking.</p><p> </p><p>Within an instant, the hell-hole had closed up again, and the earth had knitted itself back together so seamlessly there was no longer even a trace of where the cracks had been. If she hadn't watched them disappear with her own eyes she wouldn't have been able to pick out where they had been, and standing right above what had been a gaping pit of green hell fire and the tortures screaming of the damned, was Betelgeuse. Preening his perpetually dirtied old trench coat and looking very much like the cat that got the cream. There wasn't hint of what had just happened on him. His hair was smoldering a bit, but otherwise there was very little out of place. Besides his usual rag-tag appearance anyway. He took a moment or two to make a show of straightening himself out before turning to face Maria. He did a little 'ta-daaa' pose, before sauntering merrily on up to her. Slithering around her in a semicircle to drape a lazy arm around her shoulders. And finally only stopped moving once he'd settled himself to half-hang off her. Looking at her expectantly. </p><p>She blinked stupidly at him, not entirely sure what he wanted to hear. </p><p>"Well? Ya really ain't got nothing to say about my reality-warping or demonic shape-shifting?" He pressed, face beginning to betray frustration. Clearly this wasn't the reception he'd expected. And it wasn't, though as much as he appreciated that delicious scent of fear lingering around her dumbstruck figure, he had partially been expecting more of her. It was boring if she scared so easy. And after all the effort he'd put in making a show of it all too. </p><p>"oh I got stuff to say" Maria assured him, still staring at the place where the gates to hell had seemingly disappeared into thin air. "it's just--where do I begin? Have you always been able to do that? Where did those guys fall to? Why is it if you could do all that voodoo-magic shit but not, I dunno, fucking leave the graveyard at will?". Suddenly, instead of seeming unable to get a word out, it was like she couldn't get them out fast enough. As she continued to spew a torrent if questions that had Betelgeuse feeling almost strangely flattered. </p><p>"Jesus christ dude! If you could do all of that then why I'm gods name are you wearing <em>those</em>?" she ended with an almighty cry as she gestured despairingly to his feet, which were of course clad in the most horrendous pair of neon green and pink crocs she'd ever seen. Betelgeuse frowned, looking offended, before looking down to his own feet. Shifting to get a better angle here and there before gruffly responding, "why, what's wrong with em?". </p><p>She made an exasperated noise, before managing, "You can't just--do all of that magic voodoo shit and open a but into the gates of hell, wearing those abominations" as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. </p><p>"Jeez, even those nasty-ass scruffs you were wearing earlier made more sense than those, like, nothing as freaky as you should wear something so fricking... Lame" </p><p>The ghoul visibly bristled under the critique, sneering and folding his arms across his chest like a toddler about to go into a full on sulk. "Excuse you, these are cozy as hell and I'm an all-powerful demon-man-abomination with style and my style is wearing whatever the shit I want". </p><p>The human lady just kind of shook her head, looking as though she might have been in some sort of daze even as she seemed fully coherent, "you don't understand--you're sending out so many weird messages. I can't take anything you just did seriously when you look like a dorky hobo who just nicked some thirteen-year-old with no styles shoes" </p><p>"Wow, gee thanks, next time remind me <em>not</em> to save your ungrateful ass" </p><p>He punctuated this by turning away from her with a disgusted scowl. Grumbling to himself not so quietly at the single remaining man lying right where Maria he'd left him. He seemed to be stirring, and was unfortunate enough to be right there whilst Betelgeuse's mood was very quickly spiraling. </p><p>If things didn't change for the better very quickly, that poor fellow would have very much wished he'd never woken up again. </p><p>"I know, I'm sorry" she shakily admitted, much to his surprise, "My panic response to freaky shit leaves much to be desired". </p><p>The apology seemed to bounce off the man, but she was more observant than that. He didn't look appeased but looked considerably more mollified. Likely pleased she'd admitted to being so freaked out and out loud no less. </p><p>She fought the urge to smirk. He was way too easy. Just one little push to feed his ego and the idiot would probably forget</p><p>"You put on quite the show after all, I gotta admit I'd had my doubts, but you really ain't just talk are you?" </p><p>The effect was instant, and immediately the ghoul was all smiles again. Animatedly kicking back with an excitable sort of energy that may heed his electric green hair. Preening like the cat that got the cream <em>and</em> caught the canary all in one. </p><p>"You ain't seen nothin' yet, you just wait 'til I get back into the swing of things, that shit was just me getting warmed up!" </p><p>"Yeah, still... That isn't gonna come back to bite our asses is it? I mean, where... Exactly did you send them? They are alive, aren't they?" </p><p>The ghoul neglected to respond right away, and Maria's frown deepened considerably. </p><p>"Bee? You didn't kill them did you? I'm a lot of things dude but I'm not a fricking murderer! Please tell me that you didn't just drag their sorry asses to hell like, permanently!" </p><p>Betelgeuse made a noise that might have been a scoff as he rolled his eyes with the same manner a petulant child would wave off being caught scribbling on the walls, "like choking em half to death was any better" he groused, doing his best to ignore the way Maria swore loudly, pacing the ground in front of him as though she were determined to wear a new grave into the ground herself. </p><p>"well I dunno Bee, it just seemed preferable to having my sorry ass beaten within an inch of my life and buried alive in a ditch somewhere" </p><p>"sure, sure" the ghoul hummed mockingly. Maria however seemed determined to remain put off, looking at the dead man now tethered to her with a dawning sense of uncertainty. </p><p>"seriously dude, are... They, uh, dead?" </p><p>Betelgeuse finally seemed to take the question seriously, frowning for a moment before a look of brief confusion flashed across his face, then settled that way.</p><p>"I... Don't know?" was his answer, drawing out the unsure sound and earning a look of outraged befuddlement from the very much alive woman who didn't very much appreciate the prospect of being an unwilling accomplice, even if his intervention had likely saved her skin. </p><p>"how the ever loving fuck do you not know? You're the one who fricking did it!" she barked, causing the ghoul to stagger back a little none too gracefully, which he lamely attempted to cover up by kicking off the ground to hover in in his lazy invisible hammock. </p><p>"well I doubt they'll be comin back to complain sweetheart" he quipped, and Maria could've just spontaneously combusted from fury right then and there. But she forced herself to take a breath. It wasn't as bad as it seemed, she thought, after all she hadn't exactly encouraged him to do what he did, and even he wasn't sure if they were really dead. And even if they were it wasn't as if they were totally innocent of wrongdoing--they were thugs! It was practically self defense, she argued. If they hadn't been dealt with, they almost certainly would've beaten her half to death, maybe they would've even finished the job too. </p><p>She had nothing to worry about, after all if they had been guiltless then she never would've gotten tangled up with them in the first place. She didn't target nice folk if she could help it, and those goons had been right bastards even before they had tried to give her hell. </p><p>Thinking like that, it wasn't hard for the tension that had her shoulder somewhere up by her ears to ease a little. After all, why should she feel bad? She hadn't done anything wrong, well, at least nothing damnable. And Betelgeuse was definitely shady as hell, but he'd still saved her ass even if he had kinda forced her hand into it. And all in all, she'd rather deal with a creep that had saved her ass than two creeps that almost definitely would've had her rotting in a gutter somewhere come morning. </p><p> </p><p>Maria was snapped out of her internal worrying by Betelgeuse. "If you're all done feeling guilty or whatever, can we go back to your place, I wanna see what digs you got". He drawled, picking his ear with his pinky finger as he lay sprawled out midair like a cat chilling on a sunny windowsill. Only there was no sun and no window, there was nothing at all beneath him, yet somehow even his clothes seemed to flatten beneath his weight as though he were actually laying on a solid surface. </p><p>"what are we gonna do about loser number 3 over there?" Maria grumbled as they both made their way to the gate. She spared an absent-minded kick to said loser as they passed him by. Betelgeuse trailing after her like some oddly shaped balloon. </p><p>"who cares? Cmon let's blow this joint, I frickin hate this place" he said, not even nothing to glance down at the man who had groaned upon being hit, but otherwise didn't seem to stirr. </p><p>"Fine" Maria mumbled, not quite satisfied but in no mood to stay and figure any of it out. "it's getting cold anyway, and after that shit-show I wanna get as far away from here as possible" </p><p>Betelgeuse stopped a second to flip himself over, following after his new human somewhat upright as his arms and feet dangled lazily below him. He made a scoffing sound at her comment</p><p>"excuse <em>you</em>, that was <em>amazing</em>" he corrected, before the two of them fell into a their comfortable routine of chatter as they left the cold, dingy little cemetery behind. As well as the man left within it, who waited until their voices faded out of earshot before shakily pushing himself up to his feet. Ashen face staring off at their retreating forms and wondering what the hell he had just witnessed, and thanking his lucky stars he had somehow managed to survive it. </p><p> </p><p>The pair had walked for a fair while before Maria stopped them just a block away from her apartment. Betelgeuse had at some point switched from floating along her to walking, now people could actually see him, he'd toyed with the idea of hovering, just to fuck with the minds of whoever they passed by during their late-night trek through the city. But he'd eventually settled on at least trying to keep a low profile for the time being, after all there was no use wasting some good scaring opportunities on a simple little parlor trick. Who knew who he'd run into later on who needed a nice good heart attack after all, but for the most part, the streets at night were quiet. Though the further in they got, the more lively the nightlife seemed to get. He earned more than a couple odd looks as they walked, Maria for the most part seemed oblivious if it weren't for the off way she tensed a bit when one of the eyes on them lingered just a little too long. If he hadn't been watching her so closely he would have missed it. But for as hard as she was trying to appear at ease, she was much more on guard than she looked at first glance. </p><p>Smart, he figured. Having eyes on you so late at night wasn't exactly a comforting experience. Who knew what sort of attention you were attracting. Not that she was in any real danger of course, he didn't want anyone else breaking his toys before him. </p><p>He'd show her <em>real</em> fear alright. Serve her right for mocking him so easily. She'd pay dearly for making a fool out of him. But there was no harm in having a little fun first, he wanted to enjoy himself now that he could do some real meddling after so long. And if that meant keeping the little lady from getting skewered in an alleyway. </p><p>Not that he had anything to worry about in the end. They got stopped once during their entire little walk, by some poor smuck on some sorry backwater street just on the border between the good side of town and the not-so good. He came out from an alleyway so thin it was a wonder anyone had even fit through, dressed head to toe in a baggy orange tracksuit and expensive looking sneakers. Holding a tiny knife that looked more like a be knife than a switchblade, Maria had stiffened a fraction before walking on right past him. Neatly swerving out of his reach even as he took what Betelgeuse guessed was supposed to be a threatening step forward before kneeing him harshly in the gut with the streamlined movement of an experienced "I -don't-have-time-for-this-shit-er". Entirely nonchalant as though she did this sort of this every other Tuesday. </p><p>Though based on the stories she'd told him during their short time knowing one another, he'd say she probably <em>did</em>. </p><p>Betelgeuse followed after he just as easily, though kept a careful ear out as their scraggly little would-be mugger left his line of sight, just to be sure he didn't try following after them for a second try. </p><p>He didn't, and so Betelgeuse didn't bother fretting over it. </p><p>Ten minutes later, she had brought them both to a stop. Betelgeuse had been about to question it, before she turned around to face him, a sheepish sort of expression worming its way onto her face as she rubbed the back of her neck idly. </p><p>"Uh, so, you should probably know if you're gonna be staying with me, the safe way into my place?it ain't through the front door" </p><p>Betelgeuse raised a brow in silent question. And Maria continued.</p><p>"Okay so, it got to a point I had a lot of real nasty people not too happy with me. And I guess I was just sick of coming home to find my shit in pieces or having to kick people out on their arse n stuff. So I made it a little bit... harder, for people to get in my shit"</p><p>She made a show of clearing her throat, before turning on her heel towards the alleyway of a building a stoked throw away from the apartment building she had pointed out as her own.</p><p>"Follow me" she instructed, and he curiously trailed after her. Wondering just what she had meant by "made it harder" to get into her home. He figured maybe she'd just installed a heavier door or something. Maybe a fancy alarm system. But his questions only grew as he was led to a a large dumpster deep into the alley which ended in a dead end. </p><p>She shot him a look, before hopping up and over onto the top of the dump--jumping up once she was atop of it to catch the very bottom of a rusted old fire-escape that had obviously seen better days. The lid of the trash made a hollow drumming sound as her footsteps pounded at the hollow metal, but that was nothing in comparison to the terribly screeching of the rusted frame of the fire-escape as her full weight hung on its edge. </p><p>Using the nearby drain pipe scaffolding as a climbing frame to skitter her way up the side of the wall like a squirrel. There of course was not a chance in hell he was even about to attempt that, so whilst she was busy hauling herself up over the topside using the gutter to swing her leg up over, he simply disappeared, proofing into thin air. Maria heard this, and once she was safely up on the roof she looked down to check Betelgeuse was doing alright on his way up. Only to find him nowhere in sight. </p><p>"Yeah, I'm not doing that" a gravely voice behind her said right in her ear. And Maria jumped a solid foot in the air with a startled yelp, whirling around onto Betelgeuse, who was standing there behind her in all his smug glory. Not a wrinkle out of place--or maybe it was more accurate to say no more than usual anyway. </p><p>Her hand flew to her heart as she sighed, shaky nerves settling as she instead focused on not her fear, but what a complete asshole the ghoul was. She made her displeasure known with a colourful stream of inventive profanity, which only served to warn her a hearty guffaw from the jerk in question, who saw her scowl and doubled over in a further display of glee. </p><p>He made a pantomime of wiping away at nonexistent tears before settling down.</p><p>"That was too easy babes, you shoulda seen your face!" </p><p>"Very funny" she grumbled, elbowing him in the side as she passed, and cambered her way further up as though the buildings leading up to her apartment building were just a set of extremely oversized step-ladders. On the third rooftop, she came to a stop, chest heaving as she stopped to catch her breath, though not nearly as winded as Betelgeuse would have expected. Though he'd seen the way she'd vaulted over the churchyard fence. Clearly, this kind of thing was something she did well and often. </p><p>She jabbed a finger in the direction of a single balcony of the adjoining apartment complex. It's door was sitting somewhat ajar, though the lights were clearly turned off. It looked abandoned from the outside, the door leading inside only cracked open an inch or so that nobody from ground level would've been able to guess it wasn't closed. </p><p>"This is the only safe way in. Don't even try getting in from the ground entrance, unless you fancy walking the gauntlet"</p><p>"the what?" </p><p>"I told you, I didn't like people breaking in all the time so I made it trickier. I'm buddies with the owner see, got an agreement of sorts. I buy out the whole of the top floor, and the floor just below it. The whole place is up to the eyebrows in traps. If it doesn't incapacitate any intruders, I'll at least hear them coming long before they get anywhere close"</p><p>"You boobytrapped an entire fricking floor?" </p><p>"uh-huh. Place is littered with all my toys, nothing that'd kill anyone, but I make no promises about breaking a few bones either" </p><p>"and I thought I was insane" </p><p>"you are" she quipped, quick as a snap and almost on reflex. A knee-jerk reaction that even seemed to have surprised her, but she was quick to move on. Taking a running leap to hop onto the balcony, landing with her feet poking in through the bars of the rail, and once she had finished catching her balance she hooked her leg on to simply swing on over. </p><p>"Keeps me from getting shish-kebabed in the dead of night don't it?" she grunted as she landed, straightening up and dusting herself off. Smoothing over her ruffled coat and not bothering to turn over to invite him inside. She knew he'd just pop into existence inside anyway. And he did, this time though she wasn't surprised in the least and she didn't miss the way his shoulders drooped in disappointment. </p><p><em>Heh, sucker</em>, she thought. She wasn't gonna get spooked so easily a second time. </p><p>She smiled to herself as she strolled deeper into her apartment. </p><p>It was quite generously proportioned, fairly larger than many of her previous homes. But she attributed that to the fact this was a much nicer complex in an even nicer part of town, it was just on the edge of where the nicer neighborhood met downtown. It was pricey, but she'd finally decided to splurge on the perks of a fancier neighborhood after the seventh time her house had been broken into--it hadn't seemed to matter how often she moved, or how quietly or where to. But she'd always been found sometime or another--luckily living in a nicer area made it a little harder for undesirables to mull about without attracting a little of attention from the well-to-do neighbours. Sure she had to haul ass to make enough to cover renting so many damn rooms, but her little agreement with the buildings owner made it a bit more manageable. </p><p>It was simple. She give him a decent share of the scoop of his more troublesome residents, and she had a nicer, cosy little safe house, and he had the comfort of having a full house being payed for, and the perfect answer to keeping his asshole tenants in check. </p><p>"A have a few traps set across the city too. Just enough to help me buy time to get away" she explained in answer to the ghouls visible curiosity. And he responded with a thoughtful huff, before he stepped in over the balconies threshold with an unusually careful gait. He turned around, rotating a full three-sixty circle as he followed after her. Taking in his new surroundings with a satisfied sort of aura. </p><p>Her apartment was, again, on the large side. And it was all open. The kitchenette plain and visible from the lounge area, only partially separated by a low running wall divider, upon which a large number of potted plants were settled upon. She hadn't seemed the type to keep plants and he half expected to find them to be made of plastic, or something else as artificial. Only when he ran his fingers over one as he passed, he was surprised to find it very much alive and well. The others were too, and he grinned appreciatively as he withdrew his hands. Coming to join Maria where she had settled herself in the kitchen, apparently busying herself with a small kettle, pouring it over a coffee filter and sending a strong aroma of steeping coffee beans throughout the room. He inhaled deeply, pleased too finally be able to smell something other than damp earth and rot. </p><p>The living room area was visible from where he perched himself at the island countertop. High seated chairs providing a decent view of the long stretching rectangular room. Where the kitchen was brightly lit, the rest of the apartment had a darker, more mature colour scheme. Full of dark wooden furnishings, deep brown complemented by the contrasting cream of the walls and soft couch cushions. Off to one side, beyond the living room and tucked into the corner close to the balcony was a small workshop looking area. Messily furnished with a scrappy looking worktop and a small stool, small metal tools were scattered across its surface. Along with an open sketchbook that as he had passed by he had seen full to bursting with blueprint-esque designs. Scrawl of unknown places from around the city he had yet to see. </p><p>To his right, running along the wall, there where two doors, which after prompting he learned to belong to the bathroom, and the door farther along was her bedroom. He was tempted to go investigating, though he restrained himself for the moment. There would be time to do some rooting around whilst she wasn't breathing down his neck. </p><p>Who knew? Maybe he'd even find something interesting. He was sure she had plenty of  scandalous little secrets hiding about, the thought made his fingers itch with eagerness. But for now he was content to enjoy the quiet calm of his new home. </p><p>Turning his head to face Maria, Betelgeuse found that he seemed to have an observer. She stood watching him, with an amused sort of grin, and he found himself oddly embarrassed to have been caught noting his new surroundings so intently. She huffed, before snorting, shooting him a dazzling grin before sliding something over on the counter top. Out of reflex he caught the object before it slid over and off the edge, and he winced at the searing heat of what he looked down to find to be a mug in the shape of a frog, which he furrowed his brow at. The smell however was far more enticing, and he eagerly took a sip of the steaming liquid. Tears pickled at his eyes at the heat, but he was honestly just so damn delighted to be feeling again that he barely minded. The rich bitter flavour of coffee spreading across his taste buds and the warmth bleeding into his belly, spreading heat through his cold, dead body in that moment was better than heroin--and he would know.</p><p><em>Damn</em> it was good to be back. </p><p>"I'll get you set up on the couch in a bit, but I'm starved, wanna bite to eat--uh, you do eat right?" </p><p>"Hell yeah I do" the ghoul grinned, happy. He had visibly perked up at the mention of food, practically vibrating in excitement. And Maria couldn't help but find the sight of him so innocently animated, with that electric green fluff of hair of his, oddly adorable. He looked a mess, looking every bit liked he'd just crawled out of the ground in that iconic sort of way, which didn't negate in the least the fact he still looked like a homeless car salesman stereotype. But it was a refreshing sight to see him look so damn happy and not in a sleazy way.</p><p>The sudden impulse to spoil him a little was quickly stomped out. What was he, a really fricking weird man-puppy?! Jesus christ. <em>Get a grip</em>, she told herself. Sure it was kinda charming to see the man so genuinely chuffed to bits over food of all things, but she was not going to get all mushy over a dead sleaze ball who, sure was kinda funny and a good laugh, but she hadn't forgotten that he was a complete and utter creep. She could <em>smell</em> men like him coming a mile away--in his case literally, he was a criminal, a miscreant. A lot like her, only whilst her moral compass was skewed, <em>his</em> was almost nonexistent. He might be fun to hang out with, but he was still dangerous, and she hung around with enough shady folk to know that you had to be careful around people like him. </p><p>Whoever said there was honor among thieves was full of it. Caution was a necessary evil, and she didn't quite fancy starting dangerous new habits. Who knew what kinda funny ideas a perv like Betelgeuse would get in his head if she started going soft on him just for one sorta sweet little moment. </p><p>"Well you can help yourself to the snacks", she could tell he was all but chomping at the bit to raid her cupboards, but before he could make a go of it she continued, "<em>but</em> if you're alright to wait a bit I'm fixing myself some teriyaki chicken, I'm craving somethin on the sweet side" </p><p> He made a face, but didn't seem entirely put off by the offer, the careful look in his eyes told her he was considering it, "Chicken teri-what-ey". </p><p>"you're such a fucking dork, here, go fetch me the cutting board, under the counter, I'll get started". She began moving to gather the ingredients from the fridge before a thought struck her, and she peered behind her, and caught him just before he could grasp his grubby fingers around her nice clean cutting board. </p><p>"--and for the love of god, wash your damn hands before you grab it--unlike a certain dead man in the room <em>I</em> actually can die of food poisoning"</p><p>And it must have been for the promise of food, but he did actually end up washing his hands.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I need sleep.</p><p>So, SO badly.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I need to go to bed before I pass out. <br/>Till next time!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I couldn't resist. I used to watch the animated TV series when I was younger, and of course I'd seen the movie, but the appearance of the musical just really revamped my love for the fandom. And since I have absolutely zero self control and my impulse control is entirely nonexistent... Tadaa! I've already started the next chapter and lemme tell ya, I'm really enjoying writing this already. Am I adding to my already long to-do list of updates, yes, yes I am. Will this stop me from continuing to add to it before being sensible and finishing something else first? Probably not.<br/>Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed! Please lemme know what you think of this so I can continue to improve! And I hope you look forward to the next chapter!<br/>Till next time~</p></blockquote></div></div>
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